ONE ROOM BLOG

White Picket Fences

2012-02-03T16:05:00.000-08:00

Actually, they're black post fences with miles of wire to keep the horses in... or out, depending who's in the next pasture. That's the new view out my garden gate, as we settle into week one at our little ranch house.

Tomorrow ends three weeks of straight work with one day off (two weeks ago -- it doesn't count). I think I passed exhausted sometime last weekend, before we moved, and I've been living off stubborness and a deep desire to sleep in my hammock "one more time" ever since. Yes, we have the trees to hang it here, and hung it was on the day we moved in. I look at it longingly as I leave and come home from work... then run right back out the door to whatever plans were pre-lined-up for the night.

We started this endeavor with lots of boxes and little furniture -- a bunch of coffee tables, enough bookshelves to house half-a-library (a small-town libarary), a hulking cast iron stove, a desk, office chair, bed, and stool. Just a little stepstool that helps me reach things when Brendan isn't around. Oh, and bean bag chairs. Two. Both mine, as Brendan doesn't like them. His loss.

In the last week we have been donated a kitchen table with a leaf and two rolling chairs, two dressers, a couch, a loveseat, and another coffee table (lots of coffee going on in this house, apparently). And the fridge that came with the house, the gas range/stove, and the shared in-duplex washer and dryer. Not exactly furniture, but still very useful.

Funny how quickly I forget what God did to get me another job and get us into this place, all at just the right time. We didn't have furniture, and he gave us furniture. So why do I freak out about money? Obviously, it's not really necessary. Did I mention the part where Brendan's parents sent us packing with boxes of food? Or where we've both made random extra money from side jobs?

I don't get it, but God is big and I am short of memory. Maybe once I get a little sleep that will change.

Not likely. New life highlight? Getting to use the phrase, "Meanwhile, back on the ranch..." in everyday conversation and mean it literally.

The Fulfillment of Wishes

2012-01-19T12:25:00.000-08:00

Remember that crammed little December box of all the stuff we were hoping would happen? It has! Except for the dog, sort of.

A few days after New Year I got a call to interview for a doggy day care on Thursday, and was told to expect a call back Monday. Friday we headed up to Hume for a conference, and on the way there I was called with a job offer for $2/hour more than she was originally going to pay (thank you references!!!). We got back Sunday, I worked at the ranch Monday and started training at the kennel Tuesday.

Since then it's been going non-stop, as we went from work into counseling for three nights of Winter Camp and back to load up the jeep with boxes to take over to our NEW APARTMENT, which is actually a small 2-bedroom house ON THE RANCH!! Such an awesome blessing.

We found out last week that the previous tenants were going to start looking for another house, but weren't sure they'd be out. Two days later they had their next place. So as I race job to job, I drop off boxes in a storage room to lessen the major haul.

Oh, and right after we got back from camp, Mardi Gras Riot foaled her filly Monday night, so I've been playing with the baby every day, and I'm working all but one day of the next three weeks... and moving...

Did we mention that Brendan also got an interview and references are being called and he might have a job too in the next few weeks?

It's a little busy, but wonderful.

Job: check. Apartment: check. Dog: as many as I could possibly want at my job. All the fun, none of the expenses.

Moral of the story: be careful what you wish for -- you might get it all at once!

Ye Olde Christmas Lettertoon

2011-12-29T19:31:00.000-08:00

With no further ado, may I present "The Abbreviated Adventures of Heather and Brendan 2011"... and yes, I realized I left out a 'b' but not till after we'd run all the copies. How I hand-write anything accurately without Spell Check is beyond me. Merry Week-After-Christmas.

*Click on the picture if you need a larger version. Enjoy!

I'm a Mean One, I'm a Grinch

2011-12-25T21:57:00.000-08:00

I really am a heel...

At least that's how it fees tonight. Actually, I'm not mean at all. I'm just cranky and grumpy, which seems a completely wrong attitude for this day. For any day - but especially for this day.

It was all going so well. It started beautifully. We slept in, woke up slowly, and wandered into the house in our almost-like-PJs most comfortable lounging clothes just in time to wish everyone Merry Christmas as they left for morning church. Our church didn't have a Christmas service this year (full set-up and tear down for the school would have meant too many people were committed on this family day), so we stayed in, started a fire, and called through the family. Everyone else is at least three time zones away, so they were already cleaning the last crumbs from lunch.

My dad reminded us of the basketball games officially starting the season (don't get me started on the real grinches in this world!) and I threw cinnamon rolls in the oven just in time to pop out five minutes after everyone else got back. We passed around the presents -- Kees got enough Sudoku to keep even him busy for at least... a week? Maybe two? -- and laughed and joked about our new delights.

The afternoon was a nap for me and games for the boys while Kristi pulled together the lasagna for dinner. I woke up in time to hear Brendan and his dad each trying to convince Alex NOT to trade with the other, for fear the game would be won or lost off that one necessary card. Sure enough, a trade was made and the game came to a quick conclusion.

We started Elf, paused it for dinner, then all sat around in the living room to finish the fun. It was a surreal evening to say the least, and bizarrely early when it finished at 7pm. Just in time to catch the second half of the Bears-Packers game! Except I couldn't handle sitting another hour on that couch (or watching my beloved Bears getting steamrolled by the Packers).

And this is where it all fell apart. Brendan and I went for a walk. Innocuous enough. Laughing, we started down the lane, and rounded the corner. Then came the financial questions. The leading questions. "Do we have money to..."

I said, "No" and the fight began.

Now, back in the house two hour later, details hashed and rehashed and possibilities broached and approached from all sides, it feels like we're no closer to resolution than before and have merely set aside the discussion for lack of any new material.

And I am a grinch. My Christmas just got stolen by a fight that could have waited until tomorrow, and that shouldn't have been a fight at all. So, as I calm down to a reasonably disappointed but much less hurt wife, here are my tips for Christmas:

Don't bring up a heavy discussion on Christmas (or Christmas Eve) (or any other holiday or day that is particularly special to your spouse) (or right before bed) (or in the middle of an activity that is a special treat for your spouse).

Don't ask for specific answers and details about finances when you are not in a place where either of you can access your financial data.

Do leave a place for your spouse to sit on the same side of the room once you are home and having this discussion.

Do heat up her side of the bed and assume you'll still sleep together. It could happen.

And that's what Christmas is all about - everything falling apart and somehow making it through together anyhow. God's big -- we might not get His plan, but it doesn't mean He doesn't have one.

Which Comes First: Jesus or the End Times?

2011-11-27T20:34:00.001-08:00

What a can of worms I just opened! Except, in this blog, the debate isn't theological, it's practical. In your list of things you want to know and understand as a maturing Christian, which comes first: Jesus or the End Times?

I fully believe that ALL aspects of theology are important, but the longer I'm around the modern church, the more I believe that we often pass off the immediate and obvious points of theology in favor of the debatable, simply because we prefer being right to doing right.

Many people have a strong view on the time of the rapture, or if it will happen at all, but don't know much about the nature of forgiveness, salvation or sanctification. We argue and fight over the modern use of tongues and prophecy, but can't list the dozen or so other gifts that are NOT in debate, which gifts we have, or how we should be using them... which implies that we're probably not using them as intended, if at all!

The simple truth is that Satan and the demons know more theological facts than we ever will. It's not what you know, it's what you believe. Satan and the demons know Jesus is God -- no debate there! - but they don't recognize Him as Lord. Not as Master. And certainly not unbeatable, in a league all His own. Who is Jesus to you?

Who is God? Who is Jesus? Our understanding of these play a HUGE roll in our daily lives. But so many other end times debates and denominational differences are just bonus points on an exam we never have to take. I do believe in a physical and eminent return of Christ... because that is the most obvious understanding of Paul's writing to the Thessalonians. If I'm wrong, I die and still go to heaven having lived a life that pleased God.

What matters to me today is how God views my mother-in-law, and how that should affect my words and actions toward her. Once I get that down, I have a husband to respect (it's in there somewhere... right?), sisters to love (70 times... how many?), and I need to review my theology of God as provider and protector, cause I keep worrying. Eventually I'll figure out how and when Jesus is coming back... but on my list of theological priorities, it keeps getting bumped down and I suspect that's going to keep happening for awhile. I need to know and be like Jesus first, then I'll worry about his travel plans. What about you? Where does your theological study have the most impact: your head or your heart?

Sing, Sing a Song

2011-11-18T13:10:00.001-08:00

"Church music" has gotten a bad reputation over the years. Can't imagine why. I love singing hundred-year-old catechisms whose most common words are no longer in use. Thee. Thou. Thy. As churches tend more and more toward en extreme of only hymns or only contemporary worship music, we miss out on one of the greatest opportunities to experience the nuances of who God is.

Songs tell a story. A musical, emotional and lyrical story that sticks with us long after the song ends. We all have songs that get stuck in out head. Commercials are designed with that goal in mind, and so were the original hymns. Theology for the uneducated and illiterate set to pub tunes of the day. They provided comfort in words of truth that would play over and over long after church ended - like iPod, but cheaper. Amazing Grace isn't popular because it's a famous hymn, it's famous and popular because it's true and we all know it.

Songs sooth the savage beast... or wife or husband or teenager or... We listen to music to set the mood, to change the mood, to reflect the mood. And we all learn the words to songs if we hear them often enough, even if we don't mean to. Achy Breaky Heart and It's a Small World anyone? More than that, what we hear often enough, we start to believe.

Hymns are meant to get stuck in our heads and comfort us and teach us truth. But when we start getting selfish and only wanting our hymns the way we've always had them -- because that's how they caught us decades ago -- we deprive the next generation of that same blessing. And when we insist on the latest and greatest every week or every month, we deprive ourselves and others of letting a song sink into our soul. You can't think about the words when you're busy trying to read them and learn the tune.

There is a reason movies have soundtracks. Our lives have soundtracks too, whether we realize it or not. The songs we listen to -- the songs we turn to when something goes well or tragically wrong -- those shout our beliefs to the world... and to our own heart. New songs can have deep theology, and old hymns sometimes need new music to help them stick in our heads like they did in their original days. Whatever it takes, choose your soundtrack carefully, and be mindful that other people have different soundtracks and sometimes you just need to fill in as a back-up singer in their choir.

[this post brought to you by attending several dozen churches over the course of our moves and spending most of the worship time trying to learn the songs]

Another Day, Another Room

2011-11-16T11:17:00.001-08:00

There is no more certain way to predict a major upheaval in life than to start writing your Christmas letter early. This time around, Brendan's parents let him know yesterday that they can no longer afford to pay him to work for their business... effective immediately.

Thankfully, we saw this coming about a month ago and have been rationing money. Spent most of yesterday running the lyrics to Matt Redman's Never Let Go through my head, and quoting pieces of the lyrics:

I will fear no evil/ For my God is with me/ And if my God is with me/ Whom then shall I fear?
...You never let go/ Through the calm and through the storm.../ Lord, You never let go of me.

He prepped and warned us when Brendan's parents couldn't. Now we're on the lookout for new jobs, and a new place to live. They haven't given us a move-out date, but we only stayed here because this housing was part of Brendan's salary until business picked up. Also, unless I misunderstand, we lose our health insurance at the end of the month, so we ideally need to leave the barn and move somewhere with better insulation and an attached bathroom. Oh, the finer things in life.

The current plan is as follows: Brendan continues to write for Anything But iPhone, and possibly also picking up writing for another site or two, and I work my part-time at the ranch until winter (end f the month?). I look for something 20-30 hours a week, and we will either rent a small apartment ASAP, or look for a position where Brendan can be an apartment manager in return for a place to stay.

God brought us here, we stayed out of obedience, and now we are free to move on to the next room. I'm fairly confident that this is all part of Jesus' plan to get me a puppy for Christmas. (Would actually wait till at least February if I was getting a puppy, but that's another blog).

Meanwhile, I have a Christmas letter to rewrite.

Skipping Sabbath

2011-10-31T16:50:00.000-07:00

And God spoke all these words saying,

...You shall have no other gods before me.
...You shall not make for yourselves carved images nor worship them.
...You shall not use the Lord's name with disrespect.
...You will take one day off a week from all work, as well everyone in your household. On that day you will rest (relax) because the Lord is giving you this break, in the same way He took a break after he finished Creation. [And, incidentally, before sin was present.]
...Honor your father and mother.
...You shall not murder.
...You shall not commit adultery.
...You shall not steal.
...You shall not slander.
...You shall not covet.
(Exodus 20:1-17, paraphrased, but please read it for yourself!)

Ten commandments and the one Christians fight is the command to take a break and enjoy life. How absurd! We may prioritize many things before God, but we know that is sin and acknowledge it. We find ourselves idolizing or coveting almost daily, but once again, we struggle against it, recognizing the sin. We guard our mouths and attitudes in many ways, and no one would dare suggest that murder, adultery, thievery or lying are now acceptable practices since the arrival of Jesus. So WHY do we fight so vehemently to deny Sabbath?

Of all the deceptions of Satan, this is probably the lowest. We fight Sabbath because we think it's "too hard" "too much work" and "not applicable anymore." The whole point is NOT WORKING. Trusting God to provide, and thanking him for what he has given. Yes, for a long time there was a whole pile of rules about all the things you shouldn't and couldn't do -- those are what Jesus got rid of! The list that made Sabbath anything other than a gift.

The simplest way to understand Sabbath is to watch the Israelites wandering in the desert: for six days God gave them manna, with an extra measure on the sixth day to carry them over through the sabbath so they wouldn't have to work. So they could rest. We serve the same God. And don't tell me you work every waking hour throughout the week and HAVE to work on the seventh day too. There is NO rule that says dishes can't sit in the sink overnight, or that laundry has to get done that day.

Feel free to fight with every excuse you can come up with, then consider that God is not asking anything of you. He's offering rest. And you don't want it? You can accept... or you can stop complaining about not having enough time. He told you to take a break, done or not, and to rest and trust Him to take care of you.

That's what it's really about isn't it? You know you can't do it, because you keep trying and keep failing. Trying less seems absurd. But it's a command. So let go. Take a day off. And watch the manna pour down.

ADHD is for Adult Deficift Hyperactivity Disorder

2011-10-28T16:35:00.000-07:00

ADD and ADHD were the curse words of my childhood. No wonder my parents would not say them, nor let them be repeated in our house. THOSE children were medicated and incapable. Incapable of what, no one really knew, but possibly everything. At the least, they were incapable of obeying or learning or living a "normal" life, so obviously none of us qualified. And for that I am grateful.

But like a peasant princess awakened to her inheritance, I went to college and learned that not everyone requires three hours of exercise a day. Not everyone drinks caffeine to calm down. And very few people indeed have difficulty finding the book they set on the table next to them 10 minutes before. But since I also require little sleep, can write a 10 page paper overnight, and read 700+ words per minute, the distractability wasn't as big a problem for me as for some. I've already gone and come back before most people realize I'm not all there. Light speed!

That said, I still know. I know that while I can repeat the last 5 minutes of our conversation verbatim, I can also repeat the last 5 minutes of all the conversations going on around us that I'm trying to ignore, and any second now I'm going to look out the window and forget everything we've just said. I know that you think my key hook by the door is a cute idea, but I did it because I won't be able to find them if set them in a bowl on the counter directly below. I know that you admire my handwriting... what you don't know is that I have to write anytime I sit down or I can't stay sitting -- I walk circles in elevators and pace incessantly while on the phone.

Last year, I went to the library after a frustrating morning at the DMV and found a book promising solutions for adult ADHD. But, opening it to the middle like any normal person, I saw a chapter on red herrings -- people who think they have ADHD and have some of the symptoms but don't actually have ADHD at all. And suddenly my heart felt hope. Maybe I'm just undisciplined and if I work harder I can get a handle on this. Maybe I just think I have ADHD but actually I am fine and the same as everyone else.

Then I read the last example and it was someone JUST... LIKE... ME. And I was so relieved! Except a little nervous because I had a gut feeling that something about the tone was different. That this one didn't get you off the hook. Sure enough they picked his life apart and how his quickness and lack of learning disabilities helped him cope. Then they went on to list all the reasons that coping isn't a valid way of living and basically said that ADHD is a disorder because it affects your life negatively by not letting you live like a normal person and making everything you do more work and clinically near impossible on a regular basis. And I knew it was true.

So I started crying right there in the library. Because for the first time I had to confront ADHD as an actual disorder, not an annoyance. And it's not something that's going to go away. All the things I should be able to do because my I.Q. says I should (high math for instance), I can't do because I lack the ability to follow through in a mentally organized manner. I feel like a tone-deaf musician.

Mostly I am sad that I won't get better with practice. If, after 30 years, I still say the number "four" out loud while writing "6" (is there a number dyslexia?), if I put my glasses in the same of two places every night and still can't find them in the morning, if I write fantastic letters but set them down to find a stamp and never return... will that change now? Unlikely.

But I cope. And I have a good life. I see and hear the things other people miss because they can only do the things they try to do. And I think. I think all the time with a fabulous brain that won't ever shut off or refine it's focus. Maybe the book is right. Maybe I will always struggle with things the average person finds simple. But no matter how they struggle they will never be able to do what I do. So I'll keep my life, coping and all.

Coerced Christans

2011-10-26T20:09:00.000-07:00

In many nations, Christians face persecution -- guns, prison and death are daily considerations. America was founded on religious freedom and does not persecute Christians. It simply offers them other gods.

We are a nation of better options. Our tithes and offerings go toward our phones and the cable bill, sometimes coffee and a third car. We have the freedom to gather on Sunday mornings... but we have to miss the game if we choose to attend. Morning quiet times may cut into sleep or a trip to the gym, and Bible studies may men missing that popular new TV show. Even in church, the phones stay on.

Somehow we've become convinced that we are so worthless that ignoring a text or an update for 2 hours could cost us... what? A job? A friendship? Maybe the fellowship we came to church for but couldn't grasp because everyone was so busy looking at their phones they didn't notice the faces around them.

We are not persecuted here, we are coerced. We are offered many gods and told they are more valuable and have more to offer than Christ. It is subtly implied and boldly stated that Jesus irrelevant. When was the last time Jesus won an Emmy, or put out a Grammy winning album? When did anyone talk about his game winning touchdown pass for weeks? What do Jesus freaks talk about at all?

In a nation where roughly 75% of the population identify themselves as Christians, we are told that we will be alone and cut off if we choose to follow Christ. No guns. No prison. Just an array of other gods who will keep us in the loop and give us relationships.

When was the last time Jesus and our churches did that?

Don't Say Anything At All

2011-10-07T19:26:00.000-07:00

"If you don't have something (good, nice, kind...) to say, don't say anything at all."

If I'm ever abnormally silent, it probably has less to do with my mood than all the snarky, judgmental things running through my head. And if I'm ever laughing but won't tell you why, I guarantee I'm thinking something that should not be shared. So let it go.

That's the truly hard part: not sharing the joy. Because most of time, what I'm thinking is not constructive. Sharing it would not be constructive... but it sure would be funny! At least that's my assumption.

We have not become a thoughtless generation, but a think-less generation. We have lots of thoughts -- and more thrown at us every moment via whatever content we're streaming -- but rarely take time to think. About what we say. About what other people are saying. About the implications of our words. And definitely not about how quickly our think-less comments can influence snap-judgements in others.

We all naturally imitate judgmental Jesus, tearing into our perceived pharisees, but it was intercessor Jesus that people followed, hanging on his every word. Because in a world of criticism, Jesus offered words of hope and healing for people who knew they were worthless and laughable. It may be a lifetime before I have the words of Jesus, but I certainly know when I do not and I can spend the interim learning to keep my mouth shut if that's what it takes.

New Job for Heather

2011-07-27T19:22:00.001-07:00

We interrupt this blog to announce that I have a new job! Jumping in as a ranch hand for a friend's thoroughbred ranch, I do a little bit of everything: feed, muck out, help with holding and bandages, and a LOT of paperwork (less the paper, in this world of the cloud). There's a lot I have to learn, but it is quite literally a dream job. One of these days I'll be registering foals with the Jockey Club! What horse-loving little girl hasn't dreamed of that?
Brendan starts officially working for California Broadband next week, and slowly but surely our life here is settling. We now return you to our regularly scheduled cross-country adventures.

Home again, Home again...

2011-07-08T12:41:00.000-07:00

Have now "settled" in the California valley, home for the next deployment, however long this may be. We decided on a PO Box for this particular engagement for two reasons:

1) We need an address we can leave legally, which we can't do very easily from Brendan's parents' address.

2) No matter where we're actually living, we can keep the same address as long as we're within driving distance. Right now we got a deal on one year and three months. Somehow that three months makes me a little more nervous than the precise "one year" we thought we were signing up for ("...three months free!"). Like God's already set the time of our leaving and has decided to give us a countdown. Thanks?

The journey out here was amazing. Almost enough to make you forget the horrors of the first one. Or maybe a little more magnificent for having been through the first. You realize just how many things went right that could have gone horribly wrong.

As promised, there will be a full dissemination of the trip, complete with pictures, but for today, it's enough just to be here. Thanks God.

THe Alkalai Desert

2011-07-06T03:00:00.000-07:00

Nevada doesn't have many pictures because we left Twin Falls around 9pm... and just kept driving.

The original plan called for a stop near Elko. But we got there and we weren't really tired. So we drove over toward Winnemucca. By the time we crossed Battle Mountain, we realized that even Winnemucca wasn't going to be the end of it, so we kept going into Lovelace.

The engine was loving the cool night air, and we finally decided, "No sleep till RENO!" Probably a bad idea. But we picked up a Bill Engval CD at a gas station to compliment our dwindling frappuccino and Amp supply, and pushed though, finally seeing this sight around 9am:

It was even less impressive in person.

We drove through Sparks, stopping for breakfast at a little omelette place on the south side of Reno. Then we parked at the mall. After years living in the wilderness, cut off from civilization, you have to consider the draw of modern shopping areas. And it had air conditioning, trees, and a place to park the jeep while Brendan went to work on the trailer tires.

One of the tires was slightly loose, so Brendan had to re-seat it and check the hub to make sure everything would last through the final stretch through Donner Pass.

We spent the hottest part of the day in a HUGE Barnes and Nobles (What do people do in places with extreme cold or extreme cold? Apparently they read books! Lots of them!), then slept in the jeep till just before sunset.

Donner Pass was the final frontier, and we started up the mountain just after sunset. We had light rain all the way up the mountain, which broke as soon as we hit the pass and headed back down the other side. It was absolutely a gift from God, as the rain cooled the engine but the road was dry when we needed the brakes. A rather anti-climactic ending, for which we were thankful!

We showed up at the family farm around 1am, to the rousing welcome of the dogs, and a very welcoming bed. And on the day after, we rested.

Out with a Bang!

2011-07-05T17:56:00.000-07:00

We arrived in Idaho, mid-morning, and decided to shoot for Pocatello as our afternoon lay-up. Without air-conditioning, our newly acquired habit of driving in the morning and late evening was quickly gaining the approval of both parties. Then we turned on the radio.

Idaho Falls, just a few miles north of Pocatello, has a tradition every 4th of July of putting on the second largest fireworks display in the nation. The only show larger is held in Philadelphia. And we happened to be driving through on the 4th? Clearly it was our patriotic duty to stop and celebrate with our fellow Americans!

With a little help from the locals, we pulled into town around 3pm and found a parking spot less than a mile from the festivities. Then we walked down to the waterfront. Remember those "Fireworks Fallout" signs in Michigan? Idaho has no such concerns. The "best" seats are directly under the launch area across the river, and the locals mark them out with twine and spay paint a week or more in advance.

We wandered down closer to the fair, and found those spot on the bank. The fireworks launched from the farthest right of the three trees on the opposite bank.

And there were many more people who joined us.

The whole road along the river gets blocked off at 7pm, so if you consider going, just wait till close to 7 to show up and you can have your choice of seats.

And yes, in case you're wondering, that is a Mormon temple. Idaho Falls is only a few hours north of Salt Lake City, so I suppose I shouldn't have been surprised. But it was still impressive seeing this structure in the "wild west."

After the fireworks, we drove down to Chubbock, just north of American Falls. It's amazing how many falls Idaho has! As per our new habit, we woke up early and drove into Twin Falls (told you), where we camped out at their beautiful library all day.
Well, most of the day.

We also had a picnic in the park across the street, and slept most of the afternoon in preparation for our evening venture into the desert. Nevada, here we come!

Tourism at it's Finest

2011-07-04T16:07:00.000-07:00

Montana.

Soft roads, gorgeous views and we even got a hotel!

It started out with an oasis, then got dry, and we had to sleep in a parking lot the first night after desperately craving a hotel the last two hours into town. But the sunset over the semis around us was beautiful, and we had (mostly) gotten past the fight by the time we got up before sunrise the next morning. We also learned our lesson and called ahead to a hotel in Bozeman.

While I wouldn't do that night over, neither would I have wanted to miss these gorgeous views, driving in the cool of the morning. And I guarantee we would NOT have gotten out of a bed at 4am like we woke up from those jeep seats (did I mention the part where we didn't make up the bed in the back? NOT comfortable at all!).

It was like driving through a movie. Which is entirely possible, with all the films that have shot in the Montana foothills.

Just like the Dakotas, horses were everywhere. All of them seemed to be on fenced land, but then again, so were these pronghorn antelope.

We stopped off in Bozeman, arriving in early afternoon, and decided to forgo Yellowstone in favor of the local mall, showing Cars 2. We hadn't had problems with the jeep to that point, and decided we should give the beast a day off, and conserve our gas. It turned out well that we did, as the clouds turned into rain and we had to skip back to the hotel to cover the trailer in the wind before the storm.

Being the adventurous types, we made up chili and ramen in the room, and watched home decorating shows until bed, dreaming of the day when we live in a home instead of haul it around the country.

The next day brought us to Ennis, an Old West Town celebrating 4th of July the old fashioned way -- with a parade of locals!

4th of July?!?! Already? Guess so. We were thankful for relatively light traffic, and continued over the pass and into Idaho.

We did see this house though, directly on the border, and couldn't help but wonder, whose is it and could we buy it? Maybe next year.

What to do in North Dakota?

2011-07-02T23:36:00.000-07:00

North Dakota is easily one of the most beautiful states I have ever seen.

It is also very sparsely populated, and has a long winter....

As evidenced by the sheer volume of inexplicable sculptures and bad puns: Spaghetti Western - Fine Italian Cuisine being just one example.

We had story time... and finished the book.

But then we found the Dakota Dinosaur Museum.

I have to say, I was a little disappointed.

I think I was hoping for something more along the lines of a Dakota Interactive Dinosaur Playground.

That said, it wasn't bad.

It was actually quite entertaining if you took the time to look closely...

And some of the displays were beautifully done.

In the end, Brendan and I both agreed that the massive rock collection was actually the best part. Especially the ones that glowed in the dark, most of which are very common. Who knew?

It was this display, though, that finally made us question the scientific approach of the museum.

Starting on the right, they offered a scull of some sort of pre-man. Then a cast of modern man. And finally possible skull of the next evolution of man, aka: "Alien Gray."

Not gonna lie, this made it really hard to take anything else in that museum seriously.

So we kept driving.

We stopped again at the Teddy Roosevelt National Park, overlooking some gorgeous badlands. They too had some great signage. Like the sign in the bathroom reminding people to pick up after their horses.

I guess it's needed out here. As with the sign reminding people to leash their pets. Missed the shot with people strolling by it with horses in tow. Personal favorite: The sign that says, "Please do not pet the Bison. They can run faster than you."

We passed the Continental Divide and made it to:

Just in time to finish the last of the fruit roll-ups my sister gave us. Good timing. On to Montana!

The Beginning of the End

2011-07-01T23:30:00.000-07:00

In retrospect, arriving 10 minutes after closing to Gordy's High Hat may have been a sign of things to come. Bad things.

Oh sure, we made it to camp safely, and ate pounds of cheese curd. We even slept well. But back in Chicago we got a mysterious crack in one of our tires. We watched it carefully and it held up on the trek across the east, but now it needed to haul a trailer through the mountains. Time to replace the tire.

Annoying, but not really difficult if necessary, we first decided to simply rotate the tires and see what would happen. Problem? The tires didn't want to rotate. One of the tires was convinced that it needed to stay right where it was and no amount of coaxing was going to make it budge.

We repacked the trailer for better balance, watched as God took our recliner which we'd been thinking of leaving and put in the the living room of our neighbors (who'd been praying for a recliner, unbeknownst to us), and had a big party with the staff. Finally, Barb and I taught Sequoia to ride in the kayak. And waited till Friday morning, when we could get the jeep into a repair shop in Aitkin on our way out of town.

New problem: the tire didn't like them either. Two hours later, they finally had to cut the bolt off to replace it, leaving a burn mark across the rim. But meanwhile Brendan and I had walked over to the library and I found the perfect book to compliment our journey: The Adventures of Don Quixote.

(Hippocrates joined us the following morning, being rescued from a gas station because Brendan loves hippos, and WHEN do you see stuffed hippos?)

We made it to Brainerd in early afternoon, where Brendan had to pick up a few new pieces for the trailer and attach them. I took pictures of the old cars next to the store and had the first of many bologna and cheese sandwiches.

We finally left Brainerd around 6 or 7pm, and straggled across the ND border just before sunset.

It was a gorgeous state, but the road was very bumpy. Fortunately, despite the recent flooding, most of the water was near the road but not on it. That said, the one flooded rest stop along the 80 also happened to be the one rest stop we were planning to park at for the night. Boo.

So we carried on and eventually stopped in Steele, on a dirt lot beside a gas station. It wasn't glamorous, but it also wasn't Minnesota. We were on our way. "And there was morning, and there was evening, the first night."

There and Back Again

2011-06-30T12:51:00.000-07:00

Navigator's Log. Earth Date: 6/30/2011

Attempts to leave have thus far proved unsuccessful. We left for the East Coast two weeks ago, traveling through 12 states and a province before returning to camp, sweet camp Tuesday night. Yesterday we unpacked half the trailer and repacked it, settling everything where it belonged.

Today is one of those "Look on the bright side" sort of days. At least we aren't in a rush to get out there. At least it's happening here, rather than on the side of the highway. At least you get an extra good night's sleep. At least we have time to shave your head before we leave. It could be more expensive -- better here than California. Hey -- you get to watch TV before you go...

Tranny fluid is done, and the oil change, but the tires refused to cave. Brendan finally "gave up," at my urging, and we will wait until tomorrow to go into Aitkin to have them replaced. It's a frustration at the moment, but I know that the wait will be worthwhile. Everything else has been.

That's the funny thing about faith. It's not really hoping so much as assuming. Hope has a dreamy quality, that God will do something unprecedented, while faith is an expectation that God will continue to act as He has in the past. God keeps doing unprecedented things in our lives as a matter of course, so a few tires seem a simple faith.

Event of this stop: When we first loaded the trailer a few weeks ago, I suggested that we get rid of our old blue recliner. Brendan disagreed at that point, so we kept it, loaded over the motorcycle. Yesterday, Brendan asked me if I minded getting rid of it, and I said no -- more space and I wasn't that attached. We asked Barb if camp could use it and found out that Jim and Betti, our neighbors at the garage house, had been praying for a recliner for Jim. PRAYER ANSWERED!

Will update more completely later on, with a few stories from the different friends and stops along the way on our East Coast Road Trip, then a reveal of the move west. Tentative start date: tomorrow.

U.P., up and away

2011-06-28T23:48:00.000-07:00

With 4th of July looming less than a week away, we set out again, this time for the UP (Upper Penninsula of Michigan) and the ultimate goal of reaching Minnesota by Tuesday night.

It was an eerie trip across the bottom of the State. With no specific end destination, and no requirements on our time, we were able to stop in at Bronner's Christmas Wonderland in Frankenmuth, and pause for an hour or two to visit at friend at Lake Ann Camp, near Traverse City.

Night found us straggling into St. Ignace, on the far side of the Mackinac Bridge, and we stopped at the Kewadin Casino Hotel on the shore. When Brendan asked if the room had a lake view, the clerk gave him a puzzled look and said yes, and we later learned that all the rooms have a lake view. The hotel is two miles away from the actual casino, is non-smking in many of the rooms, and each room has a spacious balcony looking out toward the Island.

This was our view in the morning, as we sat on the balcony eating our continental breakfast. Hard life.

With places to go, we couldn't stay too long, so we trekked off across the forests of the north, stumbling across the Frozen Flamingo in a little town called Munising, just outside the Hiawatha National Forest. It was too early for ice cream, but farther into the summer it sounded like the place to be!

Somewhere along the way we stopped off to play in Lake Superior one last time. We managed to see four of the five Great Lakes on this trip, missing Erie when we had to cut Kingsville out of the Ontario stop. I know people say California trees are huge, but those UP trees give them a run for their money.

Wisconsin was beautiful, but only gets one picture: The Jerky Outlet. It had one cooler of jerky, a few racks and a display case, BUT the selection was commendable. We picked up a bag of dry meat sticks that carried us well into Montana, and a small pouch of kangaroo jerky. You have to try it at least once, right? Definitely gamey, but a great texture. Note to self: If I'm ever in Australia, eat kangaroo.

We stopped in a grocery on the WI-MN border to pick up cheese curd. Somehow, in our entire year at camp we'd never had cheese curd. We also couldn't find any Wisconsin ice cream, so I guess we still have to go back. Maybe it's a southern thing. God clearly had his purpose in that, since we stumbled on a sale of large Starbucks bottled frappuccinos (typically $3/each) at 10 for $10, and Amps, Brendan's night driving narcotic of choice, also regularly $3, on sale 10 for $10. Perfect for our cross-country venture yet to come!

The bridge home never looked so beautiful. We pulled into camp around 10pm, and -- after a cheese curd orgy with Barb -- we stumbled down into their basement and fell into bed. The same bed we stayed in when we first arrived was now our last bed. And we saw that it was good.

All-American

2011-06-27T20:28:00.000-07:00

Fortunately, coming back into the States was significantly easier than crossing into Canada. We didn't even get searched! Just told our story to the guard who said, "Welcome home."

We pulled into my sister's place sometime around 11:30pm, watching her and Kaylie watching us through the window. Lenny had run over to his parents to pick up an air mattress, and we couldn't help laughing when he got back and went to put away his handgun. They live outside Detroit, in a safe area, but -- like Brendan -- have permit, will carry.

The next morning brought Kaylie's softball game, coached by Allison. They eventually lost, but the other team played exceptionally well and it was a fair loss. Allison and Kaylie's team took second in the league in tournament play a few weeks later -- not bad for a first year experience!

Kaylie hates camera flashes, but Lilah has no such qualms.

I met my niece, Lilah, for the first time. She turns 1 in September, and I was glad to get the chance to meet her. She started out with dark hair, but is definitely a blonde now. And oh her big blue eyes!

Allison and Lenny introduced Brendan and I to Bahama Breeze, which has been one of Allison's favorite restaurants since it opened. Great seafood, and a fun atmosphere. We all returned with full bellies.

Later that night, Kaylie and I kicked Uncle Brendan off the air mattress and onto the couch so we could have a girls' sleepover. Meanwhile, Brendan and Lenny hit it off quite well and stayed up till all hours of the night talking tech and playing video games.

Sunday started low key, with a trip to the pool in the afternoon. But Sunday night was FIREWORKS NIGHT at the Livonia Spree! We packed up our blankets and cameras and kiddos, and headed into the fair. You know you're in for a good show when you see signs like this less than two minutes' walk from your blanket:

Kaylie and Allison went on this crazy beast, then Kaylie and I went on the water logs. Of course we got drenched. But it was all made better with the arrival of funnel cakes when we got off. There are few things in life better than fresh funnel cake at a fair, and I think they all involve puppies and horses.

It's funny how God brings people into your life when you're available. A boy in line behind us in line started talking to Kaylie and I, and soon we found out that he was riding alone, because he was there with his mom but she had to keep the camera dry. He couldn't have been more than 8 or 9, and it was clear he just needed a friend. So we adopted him into our little group, and we all had a blast! He got to ride in the back, like he wanted, and we were able to wave at his mom for pictures when we went by.

Brendan also found his favorite ride, which is apparently banned in California. Too many lawsuits from people who didn't follow instructions. And it doesn't have seatbelts.

For the last ride of the night, Brendan took me on the Ferris Wheel. It started off romantically enough, with the two of us in a basket alone. Then a high school couple climbed in the other side. Then two girls, maybe 13 or 14 years old, climbed in, one with each couple. And within seconds the girl next to me started to tremble. She's afraid of heights.

Romantic ride over, I put my arm around her and told her she could snuggle into me to feel safer, and showed her how to focus on the frame of the Ferris Wheel and the other baskets for reference so she wouldn't get sick. Partway through the second time around she was doing well enough to look out over the fairgrounds on the way down, and by the end of the ride she wasn't shaking.

In return for cuddling with a teenager rather than Brendan, I let him go ask all sorts of technical questions about the ride of the guys running it after we climbed off.

Kaylie and I cuddled on the field during the fireworks, and I showed her how to take pictures of them. It was a great display, with several new patterns, and LOTS of noise. Lilah enjoyed the first half... then fell asleep. Have to admit, I wasn't far behind.

Brendan's hair grew out and turned red, and we scooted back to the parking lot. Allison had work in the morning and Lenny needed to take the car to the garage, so Brendan and I stayed to watch the kids and let them sleep in, then we headed out around noon. As with all the visits, it was short and bittersweet. I miss my sisters and their husbands, and I really miss getting to see my nieces and nephew regularly. But I have pictures, and that will have to do for now.

Into the Night

2011-06-24T23:30:00.000-07:00

After much discussion, we decided to cut through Canada on the way home. This did contribute to our decision not to see the Atlantic. Gas for the Atlantic, or gas for Canada? Have passport, will travel. Especially when it means seeing family!

We headed out around 8pm, planning to drive into Pennsylvania and find a hotel there around midnight. We did consider booking a place beforehand, but didn't want to limit ourselves if we felt we could drive farther. Ultimate goal: Niagara Falls.

Factor we didn't consider: EVERY hotel for 100 miles after Harrisburg being completely booked Mon-Thurs every week due to fracking all along the Marcellus Shale. So we stopped for reinforcements and kept going until we reached Bath, NY. Highlight: The Apple Fritter "Holes" we found at a little gas station after the first of several hotel rejections.

Our late night made for a late morning, but that was okay because we were only two hours outside Niagara... and one hour from the Anchor Bar, home of the original Buffalo wings!

Having read the legend of the wings (and their defeat of Bobby Flay in a cook-off), Brendan was excited to try them, but held reserved hopes of something with bite and flavor. One bite and he was hooked! He, who usually eats 10-20 hot wings without blinking, was stopped at 5 of the spiciest, and full after less than a dozen of the milds. If we're ever out that way again, we'll be back.

Crossing the border with a sewing table, candelabras and other random hand-me-downs was entertaining, to say the least. Trying to explain that we're from Minnesota, just finished visiting relatives in Maryland, and are passing through Toronto "on our way" to Detroit sounds every bit as crazy as it looks. Then saying that we're coming to visit relatives who are getting married a week later, but not staying for the wedding, or giving away anything in our packed Jeep... even I wouldn't believe me.

Thankfully, they let us through. It was a rainy day, but we found plenty to do in the tourist part of Niagara. We got a discount admission to the Lego display, and Brendan could have stayed there all day. They had a fantastic replica of the falls, which reminded us to venture back into the rain to see the real thing.

The next order of business was dinner with my cousins at Jack Astor's, a fantastic Canadian steakhouse, so we had to hit the road to beat the Toronto traffic.

Saw a shipwreck on the side of the road, which was mirrored the next morning when a tall ship went sailing past the entrance to the QEW/Lakeshore. Strange.

We had a great night with the cousins, watching the guys play hockey (Cliche? of course!) then heading back to have a sleepover at Danny and Kristen's new place. A beautiful breakfast outdoors with Uncle Ken and Aunt Eva and two of Eva's nephews from Czech started off the next morning, then Brendan and I took a swing through downtown before heading out to Milton to meet up with Andree, the newest addition to the family.

It was spitting rain so we didn't go up in the CNN Tower, but we drove past, and circled the Eaton Center. The one-way streets weren't too bad until we mistook a trolly-only lane for an available turn option. It wouldn't have been bad except for the concrete divider keeping us from pulling back into the car lane before the next light! Thankfully, we got there before the trolley and all was well.

Milton was fun, seeing Jordan and Andree's new house, and having lunch at a little cafe down the street. I hate suburbs, but I really love their neighborhood and maybe I'm a little jealous. We got to see the reject wedding dress and hear all about their honeymoon plans for Paris. Andree is Quebequois, and teaches French, but had never been to France!

By coincidence, Jordan had planned a business meeting for the same cafe we stopped at, so he got to come over and hang out too, once his business was over. He reminded us to try Windsor pizza, when we stopped in at his parents that night. Best pizza ever. And I have to agree. Chicago still has my vote for deep dish, but when it comes to standard pizza, nothing can beat a good Windsor pizza.

Talking with Jordan gave us a late start, so we didn't get to swing into Kingsville, but we had a good visit with Uncle Leonard and Aunt Janet before heading for the border around 10:30pm. And yes, we had Windsor pizza. Canadian visit success!

Halfway There

2011-06-22T17:41:00.000-07:00

We all like to believe that one day we will grow up. That eventually we will become an adult, mature and responsible. And that, one day, our parents will recognize this adult maturity and be proud of us.

Yeah, I used to believe that. Then I went home to see my Mom and Dad and within two days my bedroom looked like this again and I knew the game was up. No responsible adult here.

We stayed a week in the parents, and our primary objective was tearing down the lower part of the back deck.

Brendan did most of the manual labor, but it was a win-win: Mom and Dad got rid of their deck, and Brendan got to keep the tools. A new sledge hammer, a pry bar, a plank pryer, and a carpenter's hammer he's been wanting for awhile made a VERY acceptable trade for a few hour's labor.

A few cuts with my dad's saw-zaw sectioned the deck, then we pried up the first half board by board. The second half was a little quicker once we realized the boards were rotten and Brendan could just mash them with his new sledge. In terms of final effort, both methods were probably equal, but smashing the deck was far more fun!

And in the end, the deck was gone and my mom had her garden spot.

With the work done, we had time to play. Joanna and Chad brought the kids over for Sunday lunch, and we all hung out on the upper deck in the still-cool summer weather Mom took us to the Chesapeake Bay, where Brendan skipped stones and we visited an old lighthouse after a hike through some beautiful eastern woods. How I miss the broadleaf trees!

We went into Delaware to see the hospital where my dad works, and check out the wing he was responsible for, specifically the simulation center.

This is one of the simulation rooms -- everything is EXACTLY the same as in the hospital upstairs, so doctors and students can run through various scenarios before a procedure. So proud of Dad for all the work he put in making sure this came together the way it needed to for the doctors.

Little known fact -- most of Delware's shoreline is NOT on the Atlantic Ocean. It would have taken us close to three hours to drive all the way to the Ocean, so we decided against it and ate lunch at a Cracker Barrel just a cross the Jersey border instead. Check off two more States for Brendan!

You never know what you're going to find at the Amish Market. In this case, we came across jalapeno fudge. Sounds scary, but the flavor was delicious -- a blend of vanilla and the sweet jalapeno taste with just the right kick of jalepeno spice. I didn't eat much, but Brendan was hooked.

It was good to see Mom and Dad, and it turned out to be an unexpected blessing to see Angie, our whippet, one last time, as she passed away in early July.

It was a good week. Good for my parents to get to know Brendan and him them, good to see Angie, and good to see this sign:

Jesus Knows Me, This I Love.

Someday, when I have a home, I'm going to find this sign again and buy it. Meanwhile, it's getting hung here, as a reminder.

The Ins and Outs of Washington DC

2011-06-16T13:42:00.000-07:00

For most tourists, Washington DC is a city-wide museum. The Smithsonian alone takes up the entire mall area, and miles more underground. The Lincoln Memorial, the Washington Memorial... a memorial for everyone and every war that has impacted our country. But sometimes the kids don't want to see dead people. And those are times to show them what's really going on in our capitol city...

"O beautiful for spacious skies,/ For amber waves of grain..." The Department of Agriculture takes this national hymn literally with its landscape of with wheat, cabbage, kale and other decorative foods. It was easily the most beautiful of the national department buildings.

A few blocks down, the FAA building was not quite so reassuring...

When was the last time you needed snipers for your garden party? People often critique the President for playing golf, or going to Camp David, but few realize that he is essentially a prisoner in the White House. He can't take a walk around the block, or even "go play in the backyard" without massive precautions. President Obama noted that his golf games are really the only time he gets to walk around outside without being rushed into a secure area.

Granted, he has a really nice ride.

The Capitol building is the real heart of this city, and having a friend who is a Congressional Aide makes it even better. We wandered all over the Capitol, saw the Senate Sub-Basement and watched a congressman putting his remarks on record to an empty room before a vote.

That mental picture you had of all the senators sitting around listening to each other talk all day? Not entirely true... Lots of times they talk to a video camera to get their comments on record while everyone else goes about their own business. Then a vote gets called and all the Senators have to drop what they're doing and get down to the floor before the roll is called. That's when certain elevators become "Senators Only."

You never know what you're going to find in Washington D.C. The National Museum of the American Indian is like walking through an American holocaust museum, but it's fascinating to learn about the good of those times as well. The first complete Bible printed in America was in the Massachusetts Indian language, translated by George Eliot, a pastor who spent 15 years learning Massachusett so he could preach to the Indians in their own tongue.

William Cameron Townsend may be a familiar name to some, as his translation work for the Cakchiquel people led to the creation of the Summer Institute of Linguistics (SIL) and later led to the Wycliffe Bible Society -- offering native peoples around the world the opportunity to have a written Bible in their language... and for many of them, the first written expression of their language at all.

Brendan's favorite was the botanical garden, but I love the baseball and the food. Don't forget to wander off the beaten path, especially if that takes you into the basement food court of the Reagan Building. Don't be put off by the x-ray scanners and metal detectors going in -- the guards are friendly and will help you find your way around whatever conference or convention is using the main floor.

And if you can't get tickets to the night game -- never fear, the home crowd cheers loudly, so go sit next to the stadium and bring a radio. Watch the waterfall and relax under a giant moon. Washington DC isn't all business and tourists, you know.

Emmie, Gibson and Gettysburg

2011-06-15T22:16:00.000-07:00

There's nothing quite like waking up to the pitter patter of little feet. Especially if they don't belong to your little people, and you get to go back to sleep. After the long Sunday drive, we definitely needed our rest, but I couldn't wait too long to get my fill of these two:

Meet Emmie and Gibson. Emmie is almost 5, and Gibson is 18 months. I wish there was a way to post video, but for now, these shots will have to suffice to convey the utter cuteness of both of them.

We had tea parties and played dress up, ran around in the sprinkler, and tried out everything on the swingset. Gibson has become especially adept at climbing the back ladder, but Emmie is a master of high swinging.

Joanna and Chad found a great house in a perfect neighborhood for raising kids, and the afternoon found Brendan and I walking the few blocks to the post office to mail a letter for Joanna. It also found us wandering through the downtown and into the Goodwill, which could double as a high end used bookstore. We picked up hardcover Harry Potter books for $2/each, and about half the Black Stallion series (paperback), along with a pile of others. I left the Greek and Latin grammars for the local students, as well as several first editions that were out of our price range at $15-18 each.

But, my best finds of the day were Morris the Moose, and a few I Spy books for Emmie. Pretty sure Morris was memorized before I left. :) Turns out my niece and I have a common love of reading. Way to go Mom Joanna!

Being a history afficionado (she's even going to teach an on-line course starting in the fall!), my sister volunteered to take us and the kids up to Gettysburg on Tuesday. We met Abraham Lincoln, walked the battlefield, and went to the outlet mall that is on the site of the old hospital. Somehow my sister also has this ability to walk out of many stores with a pile of good AND more money than she went in with, thanks to various bonuses and rebates. Genius takes many forms -- don't dis this one!

Chad was home in the evenings, and we all enjoyed watching the Orioles play baseball, even the kids. Emmie is a sports enthusiast, just like her parents, and made a point of looking for Orioles logo clothing in the little girls' section of the stores we visited. Guess that solves the "what to get for Christmas" dilemma.

And for those of you wondering, no, the war is not over in some parts of the country, even if relegated to shirts with cheesy slogans.

Iconic I-80 Tolls

2011-06-12T23:59:00.000-07:00

Route 66 is the iconic road west, but if you're looking for eastern tolls, I-80 is the way to travel.

Starting in downtown Chicago, take LSD for the best view of downtown, then scoot over to the expressway just south of Soldier Field.

In less time than it takes to get bored, you'll find yourself at the Chicago Skyway. This is your first tollbooth, and it sets expectations high for the tollbooths to come.

The refinery views are spectacular, and the powerlines are so close you can almost touch them!

The Ohio tollbooths aren't much to look at, but the state has a great welcome sign.

Even the locals get in on the action. I was born in Ohio, so I might be a little partial.

The hills get higher in Pennsylvania, and so do the tolls, so bring your wallet. But, don't forget your camera -- the billboards are to die for!

We went through the Allegheny Mountain Tunnel before sunset, and came out into darkness. Several hours later (midnight... again), we arrived at my sister's house just south of Gettysburg, and collapsed into her VERY comfortable guest bed. Best part? It was free!

The College Years

2011-06-11T11:31:00.000-07:00

There's nothing like a 10-year reunion to make you worry about how you look and what you've done with your life. Unless you can finagle the reunion to only be your best friends. In which case, it's wonderful!

After giving her the wrong date, Spartacus (not her real name) still managed to make space for us AND got us pizza and Orange Crush (in a bottle!). For those who've already heard this detail a dozen times, it really is important enough to repeat. Favorite meal, bar none, since I was a kid. Tomato sauce and cheese and orange soda? Could life get any better? Must be a little Italian in me somewhere.

Spart had to work early and Anthony had to work late, so we saw Spart at night, and Anthony in the morning. Perfect! Caught up with all the crazy changes happening in their lives (nursing school, for instance), then on the road we went.

Rainy morning in Mpls

It was bittersweet driving through Minneapolis, the city we never really got to know. We went to the Mall of America (twice), but missed the Winter Carnival in St. Paul (Bucket List). Guess that means we have to go back. Someday.

Joshua washing dishes

In Iowa, we stopped off to see Julie and Andy, and met their sweet son Joshua. He was a little shy coming out of his nap, but very willing to help Mom and Grandma with dishes and dinner prep. We also met Anna Christina, in utero, and she arrived safely last week.

Andy and Julie work with Wycliffe in the Solomon Islands, and were home on furlough but still translating. At the beginning of the translation year, their 'editor', for lack of a better word, pushed them to commit to more books than they were originally planning for the following 12 months. Knowing they had a coming furlough and baby, they started translating, not knowing what to expect. God blessed their acceptance of the challenge, and as of April all three (Julie, Andy and editor) were stunned to realize that most of the books were done!

We left in late afternoon, with the goal of making downtown Chicago by 10pm. That didn't happen. But getting lost has it's advantages.

We stumbled through a little town with a beautiful town hall and war memorial. Stopping just long enough to take pictures, we were reminded that God still plans our steps, even if we think we know where we're going (or want to go).

The clocktower was spectacular, but pointed out that we were running late. With a brief stop in Peru for gas (Dan, Dalaina and Dave were unfortunately in the other Peru, and thus out of the way for this roadtrip), we rolled into Marc and Christi's at midnight.

The weekend passed in a blur. Christi made us delicious home-cooked meals (steak anyone?), and we zipped out to see Lynnette, Josh, and their daughter Josie Saturday afternoon. Lynnette and I were roommates my last two years of college, and Josh was her highschool sweetheart. It was good to see them doing well... and hear that Lynnette was requested to try out for the Disneyworld Ariel character!!!! Talk about a dream come true!

Unfortunately I forgot the camera for that visit, but we had it again when we reconvened with Marc and Christi later for a trip to Ikea. Shopping? No. Just a little "browsing."

And dreaming.

And sizing up too-small tables.

It was a good visit, and I didn't want to leave. But 700 miles awaited us Sunday, with an unmet nephew on the other end. Time to keep going.

Planning Stages

2011-06-10T22:53:00.000-07:00

You cannot plan adventure, but you can prepare for it, and the best road trips are ultimately grand adventures. Prepare well, and everyone lives.

Brendan likes destinations, I like journeys. In the end, our road trip looked something like this:

The original map looked more like this:

Always pick a theme. It helps immensely in a fight to determine which places you won't regret missing. And reconsider often. Once or twice a day, if possible.

We had three themes: visit my immediate family (unmet niece and nephew!), mom's side of the family (due to missing the wedding), and see what friends we could along the way. This meant mandatory stops in two Maryland cities and another outside Detroit for immediate family, with a detour through Canada for extended family if possible. Since most (read "all but one") of the friends "along the way" were mine, Meg became a must-have for Brendan. Add Washington DC to the permanent route.

A few variables at camp meant an unconfirmed leave date until 10 days out, and that meant a flurry of messages and phone calls to my sisters, then to close friends in Iowa and Chicago once my sisters picked their dates. I once considered travel planning as a career. No more! Far better to just travel.

I didn't think to take pictures of the boxes and the half-packed house, but life was fairly normal until the end: Brendan cooking for me while reading his manly truck magazines, and trees blossoming in the sudden burst of spring.

I was spinning circles in the office, and the next thing I knew, Lindsay had released the summer staff to help us load and all our possessions flew magically into the trailer.

Barb helped me clean the house till it ...well, sparkled is not the word I would use, not in northern Minnesota. But it didn't have as many mosquito remains on the wall as it did before, and all the sand was gone. It looked good.

We parked the Great Pumpkin, as Jon so affectionately nicknamed the trailer, over at Jon and Barb's, stuffed full of all the things we won't find for years to come (Currently missing: all my shoes). The last duffle and a few extra pillows made their way into the jeep, and we headed to dinner to say our final goodbyes. Again. In case the lunchtime good-byes didn't stick and we died before coming back and saying our moving (ha ha) good-byes. No one wants to miss out on a good-bye -- it's the most certain way of seeing someone again.

Jon and Barb prayed over us, and off we rolled.

Just Starting Out

2011-06-10T14:03:00.000-07:00

This is how it all started: One day, Brendan talked with his parents and they asked him to move back to California to help grow their internet business. He said, "No." But God said, "Yes," so we reconsidered (as if we had a lot of choice).

Then came the brilliant idea: "Please can we go out and visit my parents and sisters before we leave?" asked Heather. "My parents really want their back deck torn down, and I haven't met Gibson or Lilah" (my nephew and niece). Airplane tickets were quickly out of the question, as the cost would mean cutting out a visit to my sister Allison in Detroit. And there was no way we could "swing by" Ontario to visit aunts and uncles and cousins we would miss seeing at my cousin's wedding, which was a month after the move. So the East Coast Road Trip was on.

*Being a blog, and not a book, I'm going to cut up this narration into blog-sized pieces. This also allows me to post a little every day, and not miss out on all the fun of continuing to clean out the barn room (current state above) and help with the business and all the other family fun.

Itinerary

2011-06-07T17:45:00.000-07:00

(This isn't how it's going to end, but it's always nice to think you know what's going on at the start.)

Having now contacted too many people, and still not nearly everyone, we have a tentative itinerary for our trip. It includes lots of driving... and some not driving.

Here's how it goes:

Leave Thursday late afternoon/evening and drive to the cities. Stay with Kendra, or Spart and Anthony. It would be Spart and Anthony for sure, except for the part where I gave her the wrong night.

Friday late lunch we meet up with Julie in Iowa, and visit for a little while, then head off to Chicago. We were hoping to see my Aunt and Uncle, but they're busy this weekend, so we're crashing with Christi and Marc and taking advantage of their new home. One day to show Brendan around my old neighborhood (Logan Square!), before we head off early Sunday morning on a marathon run across the midwest, ending at my sister's home outside Frederick, Maryland.

A few days with her, then into DC to meet with old friends from former lives. DC is like that... people from your past have an annoying way of showing up when least expected.

Over to my parents for about a week -- they already have an Air Force band concert and classic car meet on the books, plus we'll tear of the old deck (earn our keep) -- then back to Joanna's, potentially up to Toronto via Niagara Falls, and down into Windsor/Detroit for more family. If Uncle John/Aunt Judy are free, we might come back through Chicago one last time, otherwise we'll head up over the UP, pick up the trailer, and start driving down the 210 until we run out of road.

All quite contingent on money for gas. Details, details...

At least that's the plan.

Somewhere Other Than Here

2011-06-02T19:46:00.000-07:00

I don't have a title for this blog because I can't think of something original. We are moving... like we have been for the past several months. We are almost leaving... like we have been for the past several weeks. Brendan is working on re-wiring the jeep and I am paying bills, mailing tithe, and trying to find a P.O. Box so our mail can go somewhere other than here. Somewhere Other Than Here. That should be the new site title. Done.

Zach's birthday was yesterday. 28 years since the day he was born, a little under 3 since he was reborn. I miss him, but still not enough to crave him back. Just waiting my turn to be somewhere other than here.

Pam, the new office manager, got here a few days ago (Monday night?), so that sets Brendan and I to finish June 8, and leave within a day or two after that. Still trying to arrange trip details... like where we're actually going, and when. This trip will involve: Maryland, Detroit, Windsor, Toronto and Washington DC, in no particular order. Would really love to see Niagara Falls while we do it, if possible, and maybe NYC and New Jersey for the relatives. Not sure it's going to be possible. The list just keeps getting longer. Ideally we also want to jaunt through Chicago, but that's all up in the air.

Money is tight... but always enough and when we need it. Always enough to give away. It's strange. So many people have so much "more" than we do, but are afraid to give. I'd be scared too if I didn't know Who was providing the money. The thing is -- God gives back. I never fear giving away too much. Giving away something I'll need. Because I give what isn't mine to keep, and God promised that I'd have all I need. His terms, not mine, but provided for nonetheless.

And so we move on. I'll try to update this once more before we go, but know that we are well and God is gracious.

Here's the xanga re-edit. I like both:
Zachy's birthday was yesterday. 28 here on earth, almost 3 in heaven. Missing him, but mostly waiting my turn to be somewhere other than here.

We're moving... still. Leaving "soon"... still. Brendan's working on the jeep and I'm paying bills and mailing tithe and trying to find a P.O. Box so our mail has a place to go. Somewhere other than here.

We leave in a little over a week. Maybe a week from today. Or tomorrow. Leaving for somewhere yet to be determined. Somewhere other than here. Detroit. Maryland. Washington D.C. and Toronto and Windsor. Maybe Chicago and New Jersey and NYC and Philadelphia. Maybe not. Lots of somewheres and the list keeps getting longer. But we'll leave. We will.

Then we come back. We say our goodbyes, and we leave. Maybe we'll be in California by 4th of July. Maybe earlier, for Brendan's Mom's birthday. Maybe we won't. But we'll be somewhere other than here.

Sometimes I wish we could keep a "here." As a pet. More like a dog than a fish. At least a few years rather than the few months our "here"s have been lasting lately. But maybe we don't get that. Maybe our lives are all about the somewhere other than here.

Boxes Done: 5.5, Boxes to go:... lots

2011-05-17T20:49:00.000-07:00

Started packing today. Have completed 2 boxes of blankets, 1.5 boxes of pictures (.5 incomplete), a box of ...wait for it... more blankets, and winter gear, and 1 box of games. Which means that all my favorite things are packed, except the books. No more blankets, no more games, no more homey touches.

Due to the sun's unappreciated appearance every morning at increasingly early hours, we are keeping the curtains up until the last possible moment. I found the calculator that I needed all year to tutor TJ... two days after his algebra final. And I had the distinct displeasure of finding my shorts from last year, only to realize they no longer fit.

All is all a very productive, if disturbing, day.

CT70

2011-04-10T19:25:00.000-07:00

About two weeks ago, we bought this little Honda CT-70:

It's in need of some TLC (the seat is still in the jeep), but the plan is to restore it to working condition... eventually. It would have been sooner than eventually, but we found out this week that we will be moving back to California. To a little town called Wilton, "A small town with a BIG sense of community" -- at least according to their webpage.

Brendan's parents live there and run an internet business -- literally. They install and provide internet services to the local communities, most of which are too rural for cable. Brendan will be helping build the business and I'll look for a job locally once we're there.

"How did this happen," you ask? Well -- Brendan talked with his parents about a COMPLETELY unrelated situation, and his mom reminded him that she and his dad would love for him to move home and work for them. He told her no and hung up (after reassuring her that he did, in fact, still love her).

Within 2 hours we were considering the idea, and within two days we were reasonably confident this was God's next step. So we called them back. His mom told us that we could live with them but they really couldn't afford to pay us, and that the part of the job Brendan was looking forward to most wasn't actually part of the business anymore.

We hung up, more excited and certain than ever that we were supposed to move back to California. I asked Brendan, "Do you want to move to California?"
"No."
"Do you want to work for your parents?"
"No."
"Can we afford this?"
"Probably not."
"Do you want to drive the trailer across country again?"
"Nope, sure don't."
"Do you want to live with your parents?"
"No."
"Do you know how we're going to do this?"
"Nope."
"Are you totally excited about it and fairly convinced this is where we're supposed to be going?"
"Yup."

And so we go.

Migraines and Milking cows

2011-03-23T15:48:00.000-07:00

Wish I could say I've been terribly busy, but the past few weeks I've just been sick. A fever of unknown origin (FUO), that yesterday morning expanded to migraines. So I caved and saw a doctor... who said I have a fever of unknown origin and a migraine. At least I got good migraine medicine and we switched my other prescription since they seem to be at least partially triggered by it. Still under surveillance: lyme in the water, lack of tomatoes in my diet, and stress.

On the upside, I think the doctor scared away the germs, since my fever has been in decline ever since, and the headache also -- even without medication. Either that, or my immune system gave up and the germs are running the place. Yikes!

So far we don't have jobs lined up, but we also have been talking and praying a lot, and we're both at peace that we aren't missing anything. God has placed us exactly where we needed to be, and he will continue to do. We ARE taking opportunities as they come -- I just called a woman about a job for two people, milking cows and acting as farmhands. She wasn't home, but if we're supposed to get the job, we will.

Yesterday, while at the doctor to scare off the germs, we were invited to fill out surveys for a woman doing her doctorate... for $25 each. Yes, thank you. We would love to make $50 for 20 minutes of our time. god is big, and He'll take care of us however he wants -- and if that's through a string of random surveys, we won't complain!

Mission: Minister to the Ministers

2011-03-04T19:50:00.000-08:00

And yes, sometimes it seems impossible. Latest challenge? How to bring church to camp staff without stepping into the role of the local church.

At the CCCA Minn-E-Dakotas sectional earlier this week, the overarching theme from the staff was hunger for fellowship and church, especially music worship. There were a lot of programmatic elements, and the typical short-budget, short-staff scenarios, but mostly just a deep aching hunger for God among these people who serve Him. We are the facilitators to everyone else's deeply relational experiences. While they're reconnecting with the God of the universe and the body of believers, we're cleaning their clogged toilet, while they're singing, we're trying to hear each other over the roar of the Hobart dishwasher.

While Hume struggled with finding an outside pastor, they had the luxury of making church a Sunday evening option for the entire community. For many of the camps in this area, the staff are 15 people or less and there are no Sunday night services to be found closer than an hour's drive.

Thus starts the real challenge: stay local... and don't go to church. Or become part of a church you can only afford to be part of Sunday nights... assuming there's no snow.

I don't know where Brendan and I are going next, but I do know that I've developed a heart for a ministry that I've been calling "Camp Church". It started as an idea for ministry to camp staff, but I'm realizing that missionaries need it too, and pastors. AND that I need to be really careful not to step into the place of the actual church... but to help the local church partner with the needs of ministers, and help ministers better fellowship with each other and choose to be part of a church even when it's hard.

That's what's on my mind since sometime in the middle of last month, and running circles around me all week.

2011-02-26T19:28:00.000-08:00

I used to have time to write. Then I got a television.
I used to have time to read. Then I started buying DVDs.
I used to think about the problems of the world... or even just the problems of others. Then I graduated and stopped paying for my education.
Now I think the thoughts of others, flickering before me in simple terms and bright colors.

I hear black and white is making a comeback.

Tips for Enjoying Your Retreat Experience

2011-02-21T10:54:00.000-08:00

aka: Here's Your Sign

After some sad, yet remarkably funny, comments on our evaluations the last few weeks, I feel it is my duty to help people enjoy their retreat by providing some tips for maximizing their experience.

1) Listen to the host's announcements. This week we had two rather large groups so we alternated which group went first in the buffet line at each meal. We announced this at the first meal, and proceeded to rotate back and forth between the groups. At the end of the weekend, we had several comments about how it would be nice if we would stagger the meal times for the groups, because it was really frustrating that they had to wait almost 20 minutes for the other group to go through the line.

If there are two groups on a rotation for who goes through the line first, and the announcement is made that you don't have to be there on time when it's not your turn to go first, don't come unless you want to wait and talk. Otherwise, finish your project or activity and show up 10-15 minutes late. Right on time.

2) Take this opportunity to experience heaven and offer that to someone else. We primarily host church groups and I am stunned by how selfish and territorial these groups can be! If you're sharing a facility with another group, SHARE. Make new friends. And be respectful. We have had larger groups kicking smaller groups off a favorite broomball rink (when two others were open), adults talking loudly just outside the doors of sleeping areas and refusing to move to different room with the same furniture late at night, and someone who was irate that we ask the guests to stack their chairs in the dining hall at the end of the last meal.

One chair. At first that's what I thought, and was bummed that someone who just had a weekend to spend away in fellowship with God and friends was clearly still stressed out and not able to focus on God if one chair was ruining her weekend. Then I realized she said something about children. And it made me even more sad that apparently out of her whole church, no one was willing to help her with the stacking of chairs, or she didn't feel comfortable asking for help. What a mess.

However, if you're looking to join a church, I recommend attending a retreat with their group. That's when the truth comes out. How do they treat each other? How do they treat the staff and other guests around them? What is the overall character of the group? Is that who you want to become?

3) If something's missing or broken or not working, let your leader know and call us. We give out a list of contact numbers at the beginning of the weekend, with firm instructions to let us know if there is anything we need to take care of. We all have copies of the schedule, but with three groups here a few weekends ago, Brendan mixed up which groups wanted a fire, and set the bonfire in the wrong pit. He talked with the group leader for about 20 minutes later that night, and nothing was said about the missing fire. The next day, we got evaluations about how nice it would have been to have the "scheduled bonfire."

We're human. We don't catch everything, especially when "practicing omnipresence" as Barb calls it. But if something's not quite right and it's going to mess up your weekend, say something. We'd love to fix it. The sad part is, it would have taken Brendan about 2 minutes to start the fire, and the wood, matches and fire starters were all in place if they'd decided to start it themselves, as they'd already been given permission to do if they decided to start it early.

4) Take time to relax, or to accomplish whatever you came to accomplish. Several months ago, a woman commented at Saturday dinner that she'd come up planning to relax, but had become so busy "doing" all sorts of activities that she was exhausted and still hadn't even cracked open one of her books. I gave her permission to go do nothing for several hours before she left. Whether that was during the evening or the morning was up to her, but her next "activity" was to sit down and be still... and feel completely guilt free.

Some retreats are about action: quilting, scrapbooking, photography. But most are for the purpose of fellowship. We were made to take Sabbaths. We're just not very good at doing it. I feel guilty for not watching through the movies in my Netflix que instead of typing. Ridiculous! Put 'do nothing' on your list of things to do, and watch all the things God can do through you simply by regaining your focus.

Ukrainain Tax Collectors

2011-02-12T19:49:00.000-08:00

It's a busy week, so this post will be broken, just like me. A little of this and a little of that, starting with the tax collectors.

Being in camp ministry is exhausting, especially on an emotional and relational level. We don't get to go to church, and our fellowship is generally as stimulating as the water cooler conversation in any other place of work. Lots of talk... lots of griping... sometimes something worth listening too, but not often.

God dug up an old verse a few weeks ago, and it's been rumbling in my head ever since:

On hearing this, Jesus said, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. But go and learn what this means: ‘I desire mercy, not sacrifice.’ For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.”

He added to that a few other passages, namely Matthew 20:1-15, about workers who have an agreement with a land owner, then get jealous when he's generous with other workers; and the parable about the tax collector and pharisee praying in the temple (Luke 18:9-14).

As He jumped into convicting me of a severe mercy shortage, He also reminded me that -- while I might admit to my tax collector status -- I'm judging everyone else as a pharisee. They're just as messed up and broken as I am, and admittedly so, but I get SOOO bent out of shape when they act that way. Not because of anger over the sin, but because I don't want to have to be mature and deal with it.

There's a lot more to it, like convincing God I'm more sick and more in need of his benevolence than they are, or more sacrificing and therefore more deserving. Plenty of ways to warp it. But He reminds me none-to-subtly that my relationship with Him is just between us, and not even remotely connected to what he's doing with someone else. So I can be excited when he blesses them, or I can pout, but He WILL be good to them either way and joy by proxy is mine for the taking if I don't throw myself into bitterness. "...is your eye evil because I am good?"

As for the Ukrainian side, I was in with one of our guest groups this morning, and their Power Point is in Russian... and Hebrew. They are studying the Sh'ma, learning how the Lord is One. It was an awesome reminder that we serve the same God and read the same scripture -- not just a book with the same title, literally the same words.

⁴ שְׁמַ֖ע יִשְׂרָאֵ֑ל יְהוָ֥ה אֱלֹהֵ֖ינוּ יְהוָ֥ה ׀ אֶחָֽד׃

⁴Слушай, Израиль: Господь, Бог наш, Господь един есть;
⁴ “Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one!

He's Outta There!

2011-02-09T16:27:00.000-08:00

From www.earthopod.com

Dad had surgery today on his neck -- the spine to be specific. They opened him up from the front, pulled out the disks between 4-5 and 5-6 vertebrae, replaced them with spacers, and scraped off little bone spurs that would have caused problems. He went in a little late -- noon as opposed to 10am -- but the surgery took 2.5 hours almost exactly, as predicted, and the surgeons were very happy with their side of it.

He was taken to a recovery room, and hopefully family has been able to go in and see him by now, though he'll be spending the night. I'm taking the side of no news is good news, and assuming that Mom is actually more worn out by this whole thing.

Allison was able to catch a flight out, so she's there with Joanna, and I think Chad has the kids. His second interview went well this morning, and hopefully he'll have a job offer by the end of the week. It's a good day all around. A day of hope, and thankfulness for what might be, as well as what is not.

The Long Weekend

2011-02-04T19:56:00.000-08:00

Each group that comes here has a distinct personality, but sometimes groups stand out, and not always for the better.

Two weekends ago we had a group from Roseville Covenant which was the first group I have ever longed to join. The people loved each other and acted consistently like people who know they are loved by God and can't wait to make sure everyone else is taken care of too. Throughout the weekend it was like a perpetual beam of sunshine followed them around, complete with halos and angel choruses, simply by their attitudes and the way they sought to meet needs -- both in their group and for the staff.

Last weekend we had a very different group, also a church, but this group was characterized by self-focus and bullying a smaller group who was also on property. It made me sad and angry to be around them, as the kids did whatever they wanted, and the adults (apparently on more than one occasion) by sheer force of numbers forced the smaller group off the broomball rink they wanted (we have three) rather than just going to a different rink.

It's interesting to see the different attitudes, and also sad, because in no way would I ever want to be associated with the second church... but I fear that my attitude puts me more with them and less with the Roseville group. It's also sad because apparently church is completely worthless to the every day lives of the people in the second group. They don't get it. I'm not looking for someone to serve me, but if you're pushing out brothers and sisters in Christ because you have to have things exactly your way and you don't want to share, that's really messed up.

We don't know what comes next, but I think if we get to choose our church, I'm going to watch how they act on retreat before I set foot in the door on a Sunday.

Arguments with Jesus

2011-01-29T18:03:00.000-08:00

Washing pots and pans for the third time today, and feeling mighty sorry for my poor, cracked and bleeding hands, I decided to point out to Jesus how I was suffering for him, and all He came back with was, "Yeah, my hands hurt too."

"Well, my feet are sore. I've been standing on them all day."
"My feet hurt too."
"My back is stiff from shoveling for you yesterday, and I'm getting a headache..."
"I know how that goes..."
"Yeah, well you only had to hang there for 9 hours. I go through this every weekend!"

Can't say it was one of my finest moments, or that it's the only time I've thought that. I definitely want to kick the suffering Christian attitude, and the my-suffering-is-harder-than-your-suffering attitude that seems to be going around Christians. Almost a reflux against the health, wealth and prosperity gospel. If you aren't suffering, you're not a real Christian. And if you're not suffering more than me, you're not as spiritual as me.

That needs to go. Right now. Start getting thankful for Who Christ is, and thankful to serve... not suffering through it.

Opposites fight

2011-01-25T18:44:00.000-08:00

Spent most of today being opposites with my better half. Some days I can't believe how easy it is to be married, others I can't understand what he's thinking and why it seems logical! That alone might be the tricky part. He's far more emotionally connected than I am. I would be the strictly rational and logical one... until I don't feel like it, or my feelings get hurt, or I just get plain selfish.

We're both struggling a lot right now with not insisting on our own way. Brendan for life, and me with Brendan. He is realizing how much he wants to have the life he "wants" all the time, and how it's his nature to move on whenever it's not comfortable or to his obvious and immediate benefit to stay. I am still adjusting to not being independent and in charge. "My" life isn't about what I decide God wants for me, and doing whatever I want in the slow moments.

Marriage is the quickest way to extricate a hidden self-centered attitude. My life was about me and my time and whatever I wanted to do for God. Now it's about loving Brendan on his terms. Much harder to listen to God when he sometimes wants ME to be the one to get up out of a warm bed to serve. Which is why I need to go start the laundry. And wash the dishes. And do these out of love, not whining to God. "What about Brendan? Why doesn't HE have to do the dishes??" Such a 3-year-old heart in this 30-year-old body.

Guest group!

2011-01-21T20:53:00.000-08:00

Tonight Brendan is hosting his first guest group, which has so far included fixing the heat in three rooms whose windows were unlatched (at -30, those details can mean the difference between hot and lukewarm), watching the snow fall over everything we spent the afternoon shoveling, and using about half the wood for the weekend keeping tonight's fire going. Welcome to Minnesota winter!

Barb and I started attending a local Bible study with women from the church she and Jon attend on open weekends. We're learning through a Joyce Meyer study on the Spirit, and I'm finding it really helpful. We have the old cassette tapes, and we follow along with Bible and notepads, pausing every time she gives a new reference to look it up and discuss different versions and what we don't understand.

As I was on-line trying to find that particular set of tapes (Spirit, Soul and Body), I found a lot of Christians(?) attacking Mrs. Meyer for various offenses -- having too big a house, charging money for her resources, using the wrong Bible translation, not responding personally to someone who was concerned about her observing the pagan-based holiday of Christmas, speaking "aggressively" and "like she knows it all," or for admitting that she doesn't know it all when it comes to spiritual warfare. My personal favorite was a site that was nothing more than a string of discussion board comments comprised of verses against false prophets.

I don't know Joyce Meyer personally, and I haven't heard any of her current teachings so it's possible that she is speaking more from "revelation" than scripture these days. And I don't see her spreadsheet to know what percentage of the Joyce Meyer Ministry moneys goes back into her pocket. But if I had this many Christians jealous because God gave me more wealth than them, I'd build my family a compound too! We have adopted an ideal of "suffering for Christ" in ministry, which isn't Biblical. Accumulating money for it's own sake isn't Biblical, but having it isn't sin either.

The thing that disturbed me most was the segregation of believers and rampant judgment for a woman who for years has been proclaiming Christ as Savior. As Paul reassures the Philippians:

The former preach Christ out of selfish ambition... But what does it matter? The important thing is that in every way, whether from false motives or true, Christ is preached. And because of this I rejoice. (Phil. 1:17-18)

Not one person suggested praying for Mrs. Meyer, and only one defended her as a teacher who had challenged people to grow in Christ. And as someone in small-time ministry, with little direct contact with the less than 200 people here a week, I know how much we get attacked and I can't imagine what she's dealing with! The same goes for every other Christian in full-time ministry.

When was the last time you talked about Christ publicly, or challenged someone to change their relationship with God because of something you saw in scripture? At least she's doing that. If you wouldn't take her pay, why aren't you doing it without pay now? Scared you might make a mistake? I bet she is too. But that's what the Bible is for. Get in it and learn for yourself. If you don't think she's right with God, pray for her protection and renewal. But quit being a back-biting gossip-monger about your sister in Christ.

Anniversary Letter 2011

2011-01-19T20:03:00.000-08:00

Husband proofed and approved for distribution!

If you don't recognize the names or address, we can explain. I (Heather Hugo, nee Sleezer) lost my job and married a man you didn't know I was dating (Brendan Hugo). We moved three times, and are now living in Minnesota. But don't tell anyone!

The Long Version

(Miss just one crucial Christmas letter and life explodes! Okay, here we go:)

Brendan, a Sacramento native, came to Hume in 2007 and we spent several years as friends within a larger group of adventurers. Hiking, climbing, snowshoeing, and Dr. Who filled our seasons, so it was a natural but unexpected transition to dating in spring 2009. By the end of summer we were talking marriage, and Brendan suggested January, but that seemed a little too soon given that he wouldn't even meet my Dad until we flew out to Maryland for Christmas. Little did we know.

In November, Brendan moved south of L.A. and for a month all was calm. December 2 I found out that my position as a registrar was being downsized, effective January 31^st. Hume provided a generous severance package – effectively two months paid time off to pack and job search. I texted Brendan and teasingly asked if he still wanted to get married in January. He called my Dad on the 3^rd, proposed on the 4^th, and we celebrated our engagement and my birthday with the Vecchios over the weekend of the 5^th. Best job loss EVER.

The next two months passed in a blur. We spent Christmas in Sacramento when the D.C. blizzard overran the east coast, and I finished teaching in mid-January. Two weeks of details later, Brendan and I were married January 30 at Calvary Chapel in Perris, CA. Both our parents were able to attend, along with some of the siblings and a handful of close friends. Tim Hamilton, a friend's father, graciously officiated for us. The small wedding allowed for some privileges at the reception, like fresh Chicago-style deep-dish pizza, and strawberry-rhubarb wedding pie, a favorite treat for both families.

Our honeymoon was short and sweet, with work awaiting on Monday. As Brendan likes to say, we had a one-night stand in Vegas, then ran off to Perris. We visited the Great Pyramid and saw the Sphinx before strolling the Venitian canals and wandering the ruins of Ceasar's Palace.... around the world and back again! God timed the traffic just right so that we were “stuck” beside the Bellaggio fountains for the entirety of their last show Saturday night, then we went back and watched them a few more times Sunday, for good measure.

If love grows best in little houses, we should be set for life! We started out renting a room (literally) in a home that came with dogs, a fridge, FIOS and full use of a HUGE kitchen; moved into a 5^th wheel at Hume as summer staff (also with our own kitchen - thanks HR!); and now we're spread out in a loft apartment in the Minnesota backwoods. In-floor heat never felt so good.

As to how we got here... We left LA because Brendan's boss decided that W-2s interfered with his profits, and Hume graciously gave us summer jobs. Brendan was back on the ropes for his fourth summer in High Adventure, but I opted for a new adventure, joining Kelsey and crew at the restyled Joshua Cafe. We had a good summer with old friends, and when another old friend, Jon Lokhorst, contacted us about an opening at his camp, Covenant Pines Bible Camp in McGregor, MN, we were intrigued. The only thing that gave us pause was the commitment. Nine months is a bit of a stretch after our 14 week hops, but we decided to make it work.

After several interviews and warnings about Minnesota winters, Jon hired us and, like true vagabonds, we bought a 6'x16' double-axle flatbed. With the tireless skilled labor of Jon Nelson, Stanton Whitling, Philip Hamilton and a host of others, that flatbed was fully enclosed on a welded frame within a week and we were on our way to clear out our storage unit in L.A.

Two weeks into our five day trip, we pulled up at Covenant Pines with new hoses, thermostat and water pump for the jeep (Thank you Coughlins! ...and Bear Mtn. Auto, Bakersfield), new tires and a same-day custom axle for the trailer (Thanks Henderson Wheels and Jr's Deisel, Salt Lake City), dirtbike and quad for the Lokhorsts, motorcycle and strained back for Brendan, and a partridge in a pear tree that we picked up in Wyoming (Maybe not the last one.). In retrospect, painting the trailer Broncos orange before we left may have been a bad omen.

Covenant Pines runs programed youth camps in the summer, but the rest of the year we focus on guest groups, with a few specialty retreats tossed into the mix. My personal favorite so far has been Quilters' Weekend, which actually brings guests as early as Wednesday for a sewing extravagnaza. Brendan and I are both Ministry Staff, which means we do whatever the full-timers tell us. Brendan generally answers to Warren, the head of maintenance, and I primarily answer to Chef Jim in the kitchen or help Barb with developing guest group resources. Any time a guest group is in, we work with Andrea and Hannah, our fellow ministry staff, to accommodate meals, provide services (coffee shop!) and meet the activity needs of the group.

Broomball is the activity of choice in the winter, which has meant many hours of watering the outdoor rink for Brendan. Sub-zero temperatures for most of the winter allow us to create a rink on the lawn, as well as two more that we plow out of the frozen and snowed over lake. The one advantage to extreme cold is the ability to sweep snow into piles before you shovel, and using windshield wipers to flick several inches of snow off your car without concern. The disadvantage is the wind that blows the snow right back where you didn't want it!

At home, Brendan is building his business with GNLD, a whole food nutrition company that operates through network marketing. The company is committed to developing and maintaining whole body health through proper eating and natural suplements. Louis Smith, a friend at Hume, introduced us to the products, and helped Brendan get started in the nutritional training to understand how various foods affect our bodies, how to eat a healthy diet, and which nutritional deficiencies are often to blame for common health problems. Did you know that most vitamins are actually petrolium-based synthetics? Or that your body can only absorb about 20% of the nutrition from a Vitamin C synthetic versus approximately 85% for naturally extracted Vitamin C?

We're working on a website and hope to start writing regular articles about nutrition and offering links to studies across the web as we learn more about eating well in the land of processed food. That said, we still share a Dairy Queen blizzard every payday, and we have discovered the joy of Five Guys Burgers and Fries, and Caribou Coffee in Duluth. For some reason, we have a difficult time finding tortillas at the grocery store. Pork and fish... not such a problem.

We've recently joined local Bible studies, though church is downloaded from The Well in Fresno since we work Sunday mornings. We've tentatively applied to stay another year here, but the Ministry Staff positions themselves are under evaluation. Once Jon finishes shifting responsibilities among the current full-time staff, we might not fit the needs of the camp. We like this area – the people and the culture – and have a few job leads, but it's easy to jump ahead and pursue something just because it's available. Please pray that we have wisdom and patience to not rush into something we don't have peace about, or to stay here because it's right, not just because we don't want to move. Again.

We hope you had a wonderful holiday season, and that this year is an exciting one, filled with big and little miracles. We celebrate our first anniversary on the 30^th, and I have decided that January weddings are the best. Conveniently located in the lull between New Year's and the Superbowl (Go Bears!), they rescue you from post-holiday letdown, just like a late Christmas card. :) Hmmm... Share the joy!

Thank you for your friendship and prayers – please don't stop! Grace and peace be yours in abundance –

Brendan and Heather Hugo

New Year in MN

2011-01-01T16:13:00.000-08:00

Spent New Year's with the kids... previous summer staff. We set off sparklers and sang cheesy songs and generally had a good time. I feel like a lot of people take life far too seriously, but it's such a hard balance, especially in college, especially in America. What does it mean to live life to the full?

More responsibility? More play?

I can't help but wonder what this next generation is going to be like. We've had decades of people telling us we can be anything we want... but the part about "if we work hard enough" seems to be lost. At the same time, what we all want is for someone else to do the work for us. And there is no value in learning a skill. We will lose skilled labor simply because no one can afford to learn something well anymore. It's all about adapting and diversifying and being the next new thing.

30 and counting

2010-12-11T20:40:00.000-08:00

Typing on my computer as Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban sits abandoned by my side. Since we are approaching the end of this fateful series, I feel it is only right that I read through the books and learn all the things I have missed by watching only the movies.

The Fleur and Bill wedding really threw me off in HP7.1. And since when were Remus and Tonks an item? I feel like all these and more may be explained if I take the time to read the books (notice my annoyance only with the pairings? I'm sure there are many more valuable things I missed, but that's what you get from a psych major who can't stand unexplained relationships). This new goal may be compromised by my need to finish Christmas presents, neither of which I am doing at the moment.

Last weekend, Brendan took me to see Tangled for by birthday, complete with cotton candy and a Christmas chaser of "How to Train Your Dragon" in Blu-Ray. Having an analog TV, we might as well have picked it up on video, but one of these days a beautiful digital screen will appear and all those details will MATTER. Theoretically. At least we had the sense to get a cheap Blu-Ray player... which we will be taking back since his parents got us one for Christmas. Never shop for yourself in December -- it's just not worth it.

We have a box of ornaments, but no tree or places to hang them, yet. I'm at a loss for how to decorate this austere box of an apartment. I feel like I should raid all the shops right after Christmas and decorate till Valentine's Day. Then put it away and start again next November. Or maybe October -- who needs Halloween?

Meanwhile, I am contemplating the defacement of my beautiful sleek black furniture, which is definitely not decoration friendly. Nary a crack or crevice in which to tuck an unsuspecting ribbon or string of lights. Since we may have skipped town one time too many for people to keep up with our address, I am not going to panic about a location for Christmas cards until we start getting them.

Sending, on the other hand... we should probably do that. And a letter. Maybe in January we should send a "Happy Anniversary to Us, PS: we got married last year, PPS: We started dating last August, since you probably didn't know that either, PPSS: and we moved three times and are now in Minnesota" card. Things to contemplate as I now go to bed, completely unaccomplished except for this blog.

3 Months: Camp Life

2010-12-09T18:59:00.000-08:00

In short, the first two months were crazy. We stayed with Barb and Jon though the first conference, and unloaded the trailer with the help of most of the staff. Settling-in happened slowly, and we spent most of our weeks working 14 hour days to keep up with the midweek and weekend conferences. Our days off were spent driving to and from Duluth, trying to get through all the paperwork of moving -- car titles and driver's licenses specifically -- and to reserve my dress for a friend's wedding.

About two weeks after our arrival, I spent an afternoon convicted to pray for Brendan, specifically that he would learn to recognize that all things come from God, and that God would develop in him a spirit of thankfulness. I remember thinking about half way through that I really didn't WANT to pray for this, as whatever God would use to answer it would probably involve me as well and be REALLY obnoxiously hard.

Sure enough, being almost completely out of cash, we got our first paycheck that afternoon... except the direct deposit didn't go through, so Jon wrote us a check. We drove to Duluth to deposit it at one of the three Bank of America locations we found listed... only to learn that the ATM doesn't accept checks, and the other two (mortgage centers, to be fair) didn't exist.

We drove back, more broke than before, and out of gas, but with just enough cash to get us home. Mailed the checks out to Arizona... but forgot a deposit slip so they took 10 days to clear. Every bit as obnoxious and frustrating as expected. :) but we both learned trust and thankfulness, so it was worth it.

Since then we've settled the apartment, more or less, and Barb and Jon got a dog at the end of October, who we dogsit regularly. When conferences are in, I work in the kitchen with Jim, and Brendan mainly works maintenance with Warren. Now that we're between groups, I'm helping in the office, writing devotionals for the new Silver Beach retreat cabin, and helping Barb create a retreat planning packet for group leaders.

It hasn't been without its frustrations, but we both are confident that this is where we are supposed to be. And so, for this season, we reside at CPBC.

3 Months: Road Rage

2010-11-13T21:34:00.000-08:00

Out of California, we drove through Reno/Sparks and stopped somewhere in the Nevada desert. We car camped on the outskirts of a parking lot in a little gambling town, that was still the biggest we'd seen in quite awhile. We filled up on gas, and got underway.

That lasted all of an hour and a half before the trailer started swerving hard on a mild downhill on the interstate. Brendan stayed calm and God kept us from flipping as we jack-knifed a 180 to face the semis coming toward us. Thankfully, we were only in right lane and the shoulder, so everyone was able to merge and go around. I was glad that Brendan's Mom and I decided on orange for the trailer, rather than a nice blue... that would probably blend with the sky.

Brendan found a slow leak in one of the trailer tires, and we limped to the next exit where it gave out altogether. Once again, we left the trailer on the side of the road, and this time booked it back to the town from whence we came (only 45 minutes without the trailer)... only to realize that it was Sunday and the only tire place open was Wal-Mart, which had a "close-enough" tire for twice the price. With no reason to believe waiting another day would benefit, we bought the tire, and returned to the trailer... where we had to unload and reload everything to fix the 2" shift, which nonetheless could be crucial. On with the new tire, and off to the Bonneville Flats...

Where a huge wind and rainstorm caught us and parked us on the side of an exit ramp for the interstate, and where we fully expected to flip and die with the trailer in the extreme winds. We thought about unhooking the jeep but decided against it for two reasons: 1) The greater mass and weight might provide some extra stability, 2) We'd rather die with the trailer than live to pick up the pieces if it burst along the interstate.

The next day was less windy eventually, and we drove into Salt Lake City within 2 hours. We spent the rest of the day tracking down more spare tires... and getting a new axle for the trailer. The guys at Hendersons were amazing. By far the most helpful auto shop I've ever had the pleasure to enter. The guys got our tires, then rushed us a custom axle in 20 minutes, rather than the 3 days it would normally take. They put us in contact with Jr's Diesel, who installed it for us in about 2 hours, and replaced the tires, since we're fairly certain the first one failed due to sun rot.

We saw the state capitol from a distance, and Brendan went into his first Cracker Barrel. We learned to navigate streets like E 400 N, which make sense once you realize that the entire city is built out from the Great Temple. It's not bad until you get directions like, "Take E 400 N to N 400 W and go south till you get to E 300 W..." We also learned that Utah requires brakes on all trailers, which California does not, and that a trooper can make you unload your trailer on the side of the road if it does not comply.

We booked it toward Wyoming, hitting Little America right at sunset. That was beautiful. The parking lot was laid out for campers, which was nice, and we slept well. We spent the next day pushing through to Nebraska, watching the Wyoming state patrol pull over car after car after car in one of the best speed trap set-ups ever. Several cars tag teamed each other, and while cars sped up after seeing the first cop pulled over with a speeder, the next officer was just past him, waiting. Finishing with the first speeder, that cop would pull into traffic and pass the second officer -- now with a catch of his own -- before picking up whoever thought the road was open. We watched a car get pulled over about every 4 minutes for the better part of an hour... then they u-turned and went back toward the border.

This feed up traffic for the construction on 80 that persisted throughout the state and well into Nebraska. Now down to one day before our work start date at Covenant Pines, we pushed till about 1:30am before a thunderstorm halted us. We slept till it let up, then tried again.

Unfortunately, the 80 was too windy, and a bigger storm was on its way. We managed to side-track along a parallel interstate and avoid most of it and after 16 hours in the car, we got caught at a truckstop just south of Minneapolis by the storm.

The plan was to get up early and drive in, but it was 8am before we could even start on the road, so we messaged Jon constantly and limped into camp, tired and dirty, at lunch on September 2.

3 Months: Leaving California

2010-11-13T20:28:00.000-08:00

Three months of trauma from what could have been a three day trip. That's how I choose to look at it. In reality, we had to drive at least seven days, and it's only been a little over two months since we got here. Maybe everything really is better in retrospect.

We accepted the job at Covenant Pines and Brendan bought our 16'x6' trailer, then built it with Jon and Stanton and Philip and Damon and Johnny and probably more people that I can't remember at the moment. Somehow, over a week of LATE nights, they cut and welded a monstrous frame out of angle iron, and then created the bracing of 2"x4"s, and screwed the plywood onto that. Philip added some sort of metal water shielding to all the edges, we loaded up at some obscene hour of the night, and off we drove -- a day late, but on our way.

The radiator blew a hose coming over the grapevine, but we fixed it and kept going. We made it into Perris around 3pm, leaving us 3 hours to completely clear our storage unit into the trailer which already contained a motorcycle, quad, and a dirtbike, along with our Hume belongings. We'd stashed as much as we could in my car, left behind the Fresno office security fence, but this was still a large volume to transfer. Biggest pain: my 3'x3' cast iron stove. Andrew came to the rescue and we got out of the lot at 6:15pm. Thankfully the manager let Brendan sign papers before he left for the night, and we didn't have any hassle from them after.

We made it to Dave and Amber's with only the vague annoyance of hauling a VERY large trailer with a little jeep. Brendan's Grand Cherokee is tough, but not designed to overpower the wind sheer on a massive trailer.

The next day we got a late start and probably should have waited out the day. Little did we know that the valley was about to experience a week of record highs, and even late night would be pushing the envelope. We started overheating again just past the 14, and had to pull to the side of the road. After finagling with the engine, we decided to call AAA, who would tow the jeep but no, we found out, the trailer. So on the side of the Grapevine it would stay as we headed up toward Castaic. Thankfully, our driver mentioned that we could go anywhere within 100 miles, so on to Bakersfield!

Joe and Leah Coghlin opened their home and Joe agreed to use his truck for a trailer rescue mission. The short version is that the rescue took significantly longer than planned because the trailer has an unusual size ball hitch, and the jeep took three days to fix. Bear Mountain Auto Repair is a great shop though, and I would recommend them to anyone. They did the work well and thoroughly for a great price, and we almost left once the jeep's new radiator was in place. Except 30 minutes before we were supposed to leave, Brendan pulled his back and we ended up having to spend another night with the very tolerant Coughlins. We decided to leave the next day anyhow, simply because we were running out of time. We made it to Fresno, then to Sacramento, with the same annoyance of a wind-blown trailer, but no problems from the jeep.

Brendan's parents let us store a significant number of boxes -- and my stove -- in their garage. They also helped us paint the trailer to waterproof it: blaze orange. Technically it was in honor of the Broncos, but there was also the warning aspect in my head.

After we got the trailer loaded, Brendan's Dad realized the trailer was unbalanced, which meant we had to redo the whole thing... then again. After the third load we called it good and hit the road. Over Donner Pass, we left the state, glad to be away from all the stress and madness and onto Day One of our roadtrip.

One More Day! (Or two-ish)

2010-08-19T23:45:00.000-07:00

We leave in less than 48 hours. The dishes are dripping on a towel, I have 2 more CDs to burn (maybe one), and most of the house is in or piled on boxes in the living room. All the cupboards are bare, except the closet, which I may go take care of next. I love the sense of knowing that everything else can be shoved in my backpack or an overnight case. This is NOT where the house is at yet, but it will be. Tomorrow.

Meanwhile, the men work on into the night. Jon and Brendan made a plan for the trailer, started cutting and welding it last night, and tonight Stanton joined them as Kirk and Scott helped with various parts of the Jeep travel prep and welding details. Have to say, the best part about Hume is the community. I WILL miss that greatly.

Best Part: Getting to change the oil on the Jeep (I miss changing my own oil), and seeing the frame stand up. It really is a small house on wheels, but it should fit everything, I hope. Cross my fingers.... and maybe a few toes for good measure.

Minnesota Ministry Staff

2010-08-16T22:10:00.000-07:00

Leaving for Minnesota in less than a week. Haven't started packing, or cleaning, or doing the dishes. Should probably get on that soon. Right now I'm finishing paperwork and last minute contacts before we take off -- details like emailing background check consent forms and buying an interagency National Parks pass, so we can go to Yellowstone and Grand Tetons and Mt. Rushmore (though I think Mt. Rushmore might be out on the latest copy of the itinerary -- dropped in favour of seeing parents for an extra day).

We leave Saturday night and I am ready to be done. I wish for my sake that Brendan and I had not come back this summer. I left the first time on agreeable terms with this organization, but what I've seen this summer makes me sad and angry for all that happens where no one can see. Never have I wanted so badly to burn bridges, that my reputation would not be tainted by association. Still, I have to hold to the truth that my anger is limited not to the organization, but to an individual who has little in the way of checks and balances. Flip side: at what point does an organization become accountable for the actions of it's leadership?

I have a good supervisor and boss and boss over that, and I do believe in the mission of this ministry, so I am glad to finish out my last week, and intend to finish well. That said, hopefully I won't be another victim of the at-will policy.

Further Up and Farther in

2010-07-29T16:38:00.000-07:00

Getting ready to leave Hume at the end of the month, our summer contracts coming to a close. We were contacted by Jon Lokhorst, now Director at Covenant Pines in Minnesota, regarding ministry staff positions there, and are about mid-way through the interview process. Hearing Jon's description, I think we could be good fits for the positions, but now Brendan and I are evaluating if the jobs are right for us -- as a couple now, and for where our vision is for the future.

A whole slew of questions come to mind not the least of which is this: if we are offered the job and realize it is NOT the best fit for us, but we do believe we could be a good fit for the camp, should we go anyway? After all, it IS a job, we could do it very well, and then move on in a year or two hopefully leaving the camp a better place for having served there, and the staff a little refreshed for having done our jobs well and with willing hearts.

Then come the issues of stewardship and work ethic and humility and following God even when it doesn't make sense. Which makes less sense? Moving half way across the country for what could be a 9 month job? Or turning down a respectable and solid job for a reputable organization and godly leadership because it doesn't quite line up with the direction you thought God was taking your life? One of them requires trust for God to provide the funds before and after, the other in the middle, and both require a deep soul searching for what it is to follow God with abandon. To what extent are His desires our desires, and when does simple service and obedience trump passion and vision? We'd be doing jobs we love at cov Pines, but maybe not jobs we want to do for the rest of our lives... which is why it's great that it's short term... but are we supposed to keep doing these jobs even this long? And what about a church family and accountability and growing our baby marriage? Christian organization far far away where we're in the ministry and surrounded by believers? Or probable secular job with lots of Christian friends near by?

Yup, lots to think about before we yea or nay this one or anything other options.

21 Week Check-up

2010-07-02T20:56:00.000-07:00

It is officially the 4th of July weekend, and I have internet access again! Actually, Brendan hooked up the computer on Monday or Tuesday, but that's also when I started getting sick and my use of Nyquil overtook my desire to write.

We are solidly ensconced at Hume for the summer, with a little over two months until we move on. Brendan and I are both in agreement that we will not stay here unless something opens up for him where he can get experience and training that he can take with him in another year or two. Also, while we miss our friends, there are many other aspects of camp life -- especially without the leadership of a permanent director -- that we don't miss. Chain of command is murky as ever, and authority only counts until it's countered by another boss. Some very good and necessary changes have happened (including the hire of a new Food Service manager, Andy, who is fantastic to work for), but there are many more that still need to happen. Or maybe Brendan and I simply don't have the same vision as the leadership in terms of basic management principles and authority structures.

Floyd Cornford had me read all the books Jeff Lilley gave the supervisors, and one of them was about management. A point they made was that a good team has all the players on the same page, and if someone can't be in agreement with the management style and position of the leader, they need to be removed. They don't have to agree on every nuance, but they have to agree on the base and be willing to follow. Right now, the management style isn't one we necessarily agree with, though we are comfortable with the overall direction of the camp enough to be summer staff. It would be a tough conversation before we would accept fulltime as to whether we could come into deeper agreement with the management enough to back them fully over the course of the year, and accept whatever consequences of our employment under their chosen method of authority.

Meanwhile, I've worked in Cedar, Pondy (breakfast kitchen, dinner kitchen, hostess), Wagon Train, and Joshua, with the restaurant's soft opening Mon-Wed, and hard opening on the 12th. Brendan had a harsh start to the summer, but seems to be settling in. He's meeting with Jon now, and we attend Louis and LaVerne Smith's Bible study on Tuesdays, which is essentially about how scripture plays out in everyday life. It's VERY applicable, and addresses myths about getting God to do what you want versus living the right life because it's the right thing to do. If I understand correctly, at least some of this will be in the book he's writing, so it's rather exciting to be the guinea pigs and hear him flesh out what he's writing.

All in all we are well. Learning more and more about being a couple and loving each other -- ie: getting over ourselves and choosing each other -- and finances and making time to be together and romance. Definitely WAY better at all of these since we've been married. I have to say, I am VERY blessed. Brendan tries harder and harder the longer we're together. He gets more romantic and thoughtful, and while we fight harder, we also fight less and more sincerely, and are quicker to skip the surface pettiness and get to the core hurt. We also wake up wanting this marriage and glad to be in it. I'd say that's a good start. Not bad for 5 months. Not bad at all.

Great Adventure # 1

2010-05-08T23:14:00.000-07:00

Here's the rundown from the last month, since it's been full of adventures... and illness. Ick! If you're one of those people who hates spoilers skip to the next paragraph. For everyone else: it ends with Brendan and I moving to Hume Friday, May 14.

Thursday the 8th was my last post, and the day Brendan fixed the Jeep! I was excited to have access to a car during the day... and that lasted all of about a day because Friday his boss left a note on his envelope of cash that said, "Last week. Thanks -- Neil". So we went to the Rock n Worship Road Show for $10 each (AWESOME!). We'd been planning to go for several weeks, and it was B's first major concert. Plus there's nothing like 3 hours of corporate worship to put life in perspective.

Brendan had an open interview in Sacramento the following Thursday, so we decided to make a trip of it and headed out Monday for somewhere vaguely near San Francisco. We took the 5 north, then cut across to Paso Robles and took the 1 along the coast till just south of Big Sur. We planned to car camp, but found out that car camping on that stretch of the 1 is strictly prohibited... so we had to wait till we hit National Forest and could find an actual side road.

Tuesday Brendan took me for a breakfast stroll in Santa Cruz, and we walked along the pier before heading north past Carmel and Monterrey. We decided that bridges were a crucial part of our San Francisco experience, so (for anyone familiar with the area) we came up 280, cut across the San Mateo Bridge toward Oakland, then came back across the Bay Bridge into SF and finally left across the Golden Gate. SO MUCH FUN! The rest of the day was almost free -- a $6 clam chowder in a bread bowl and saltwater taffy at Fishermen's Warf (oh -- and the sea lions, which were also at the pier in Santa Cruz -- loud monsters!), then a stroll through a Jaguar dealer and window shopping a Bentley/Lamborghini dealer by city hall and the opera house before walking up and down (mostly up) hills to the cable car museum. Sunset overlooking the ocean in the Golden Gate Park, right by the fields of wild heather, and then on to Brendan's parents just south of Sacramento.

We spent several days with them and took his brother Alex to the Jelly Belly Factory, where Brendan found his beloved "Belly Flops" -- the misshapen jelly belly rejects. Brendan's HVAC interview went really well, and he got an immediate call back, which he'll be taking later this summer with the hope of an early fall hire.

We headed down to Lodi late Friday morning (what a week!) and surprised my friend Stacy at her work before heading over to the West 12 Ranch to talk web design and ride horses and check out this season's crop of foals. Nice job Tough Game! Megan surprised us and came to hang out for the day, bringing another friend with her to experience the ranch for the first time.

Saturday was Melody's week late birthday party in Fresno, so we booked it down there after a cow penning competition with the Butterworths, and enjoyed a night of sushi and "Fantastic Mr. Fox" at my sister's. Sunday we went with Melody to see "How to Train Your Dragon" in IMAX 3D and it is officially my favorite movie of all time! So well done and one of those movies I can watch over and over and over.

That afternoon saw us on the way to Hume where Barb and Jon graciously offered their house while they were out in Minnesota. We arrived about 5 minutes before church... and decided to hide in the house and make pizza and go to bed. Best choice we made all week!

We tried to catch everyone at lunch Monday.. but arrived an hour late and just in time to find out that Kelsey and Janelle were over in Europe and possibly trapped because of the Icelandic volcano. Like anyone else with no job and nothing pressing, we offered to help and got put to work for the week and the first Fishermen's weekend! It was great! I learned how to make stuffed pork loin and got to carve both dinners. I also got to see several of the guys I registered last year and catch up on life and how their families are doing.

In the midst of this, Brendan and I were running around like crazy to catch up with everyone (except Tueday, when we worked 8 hours then got snowed in) and moved half way through the week up to the Kerry's, who graciously let us stay on... and on... and on. Meanwhile, the lokhorsts got back around midnight Wednesday, expecting guests Friday, but learned Thursday night that Jon was hired as the camp director for Covenant Pines Camp in Minnesota... starting May 15th. YIKES!

We finally headed home Monday the 26th, two weeks after this road trip began, and slept till obscene hours Tuesday... when I realized I probably had the flu. I laid around and did laundry while Brendan took care of me, till he started getting sick a few days later. Problem: I wasn't getting better. I wasn't running a fever, but my sinuses were killing me. When Brendan was over it by Monday and it felt like someone injected concrete behind my cheekbone, we decided that CVS Minute Clinic was the way to go. The nicest nurse ever and $90 later, I was walking out with a bottle of antibiotics and a diagnosis of strep and a sinus infection.

It has now been a week. We went to the Tonight Show taping on Thursday before a night of Settlers/Cities and Knights with the Vecchios and Siegels, and today was baby elephants (one born April 13 -- Melody's birthday!) at the Wild Animal Park. Getting our money out of the annual passes!

Our room is full of boxes and plastic totes, and we have to rearrange storage sometime this week. We are due at Hume Friday night, and that's the next 4 months of our life. Maybe it will be a little more calm than the first 4. I highly doubt it.

"This is the great adventure!" -- SCC

Official

2010-04-08T11:40:00.000-07:00

It's official. The powers that be told Sarah she could offer me a job, so she did and I will be a Joshua server this summer. I start May 20 and finish September 6. We're still waiting on Brendan's paperwork from almost a month ago now, so I let her know that, and she thought they might be waiting to send them both at the same time.

Brendan applied at another company up in Sacramento the other night, so now he's supposed to call the owner and we'll see what comes from that. Assuming everything comes together with Hume, he might try to see if he can hire on at the end of summer. Or we might still look at Texas or Colorado. Oh the adventure of life!

In other news, Jessica Simpson posed Sans makeup for a Marie Claire and people are all in a snit saying the pictures couldn't possibly be legit. Some people just are that pretty and photogenic. I know some of them. Get over it.

Also, I have realized that my problem with halter tops may not be having shoulders that are too broad, but a neck that is too small. That is rather disconcerting, but explains why choker necklaces tend to hang on me. I wonder if anyone makes neck pads.

Dear Editor

2010-04-06T09:50:00.000-07:00

I wish that I could write on here all that I was really thinking, but that would make people angry, and since there is still the chance I am wrong, I would much prefer to hold out hope for the best. Still the double stories and previous character of parties involved does make me nervous, to put it mildly and I don't like the continued association. I will be glad when this chapter of our life is over.

Sincerely,
Two-timed

rant blog

2010-03-28T21:01:00.000-07:00

Was looking for a new address for my private rant blog, and found about a dozen sites already taken... the biggest one with 8 posts. Then I stumbled across this one: http://www.2010truths.blogspot.com/

Less than 3 days. Sad. This is why I don't make resolutions.

As for the ranting, it's still not fit for print. Had more thrown at us today and one part of me is hugely thankful because it was an answer to prayer in some ways, but the heart and manner behind the result was incredibly harsh and without integrity. It makes me glad and more thankful than ever to be with Brendan and on our way out. Us against the world is not quite where we're at, but some days that's what it feels like.

Coffee and Imported Cheese

2010-03-25T22:25:00.000-07:00

It was one of THOSE days, where frustration and righteous indignation caught fire with overripe hormones and a stomach of cheese and coffee... and nothing else. Bad combination. Add a sleepless night and my thoughts of today will come to light tomorrow. After I've had time to think through whether they actually have merit on their own. That said, be prepared. I had a lot of time to think, and one of things I thought about was how thinking is an under-appreciated skill in today's society, set aside for the art of planning. A thought without a plan isn't worth anything anymore. But it should be.

That's all.

"The mind of man plans his ways, but the Lord directs his steps." (Psalm.. something)

Learning Curve

2010-03-24T11:54:00.000-07:00

For someone who so innately picks up on the needs of my students and teens, sometimes I can be glaringly oblivious to the needs of my husband. Or to my own needs -- though it has to be said in both cases that it may just as likely be a matter of ignoring what I know because it's easier than addressing it.

But now at least a little more of that is out in the open. And I have the responsibility of acting on it. Ouch. Better late than never.

For Sale: Life of Adventure

2010-03-23T13:47:00.000-07:00

...will also consider trade for steady life of peace and quiet on a beach. That's how I feel today. Adventure is overrated. It's not usually glamorous, and "exciting" has multiple traits. Exciting doesn't always mean winning the lottery. Sometimes it's more like holding a stick of dynamite and not blowing up.

That's how I feel today. Ten sticks of dynamite down, a few more boxes to go. I lost my job... partially by choice. I got engaged two days later. Then I quit another job, moved to Perris, got married, lost a grandmother, found out my sister is pregnant and getting married in two months, interviewed a few times and gave up an offer, agreed with my husband that he should quit his job, and found out a few days later that we both have jobs and are moving back to where I just left. All in less than 4 months. And come September we'll be moving again. Or joining the Navy, which means LOTS of moving, potentially.

I knew this was the deal when I signed on. It was part of the reason I married Brendan. He's not afraid of this. But it's still hard. I just got over depression from the first eight and was starting to get settled here.

On the flip side, this really is ideal in that I got the SoCal winter and now I'm going back to Hume for the summer. So there ARE advantages. And having a deadline is getting me motivated again to get all the projects done that I have time for down here. A few more weeks and it's back to "work." Best of all, I get to be with people I love. I want to move away for reals next time, but this isn't a bad thing. Thanks God, for working this out.

PS: We both have jobs at Hume for the summer as of yesterday morning. I canceled the other interview.

To Stay or Not To Stay

2010-03-22T10:14:00.000-07:00

Just got a call about an interview for a job in Riverside that Brendan and I could live off. Another friend also has a lead on a fencing job down here that could work for B. And a job near Sacramento learning HVAC. And my Hume app went in this morning. Brendan still needs to talk with Jordan, and i have no idea if the people who actually do the hiring want me back. So we'll see where it goes from here.

Fear not, for I am with you, do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, yes, I will help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. I, the LORD your God, will hold your right hand. -- Isaiah 41: 10,13

Leaving.. Coming... Returning?

2010-03-20T23:00:00.000-07:00

So it sounds like we're going back to Hume. Brendan's boss still isn't giving him a W-2 or anything else he was promised, and won't give us enough pay to factor in taxes. Jordan and Brendan are talking money tomorrow and I might have a lead on a food service job. That's the one thing making me really excited about this summer -- getting to work a new job, on my feet! Not really sure what comes next. Guess this is what's meant by absolute surrender to God and following one's husband. I wonder if Sarah felt the same when God told Abraham, "Go south... I'll tell you when to stop" (Genesis 12, paraphrase).

Letting Go

2010-03-19T17:45:00.000-07:00

This is what I get for wanting a template that wasn't originally designed for blogger. Several hours of decoding html later, I can take out what I don't want, but still haven't figured out how to add the dates and archives back in. May have to choose a different template.

In other news, Brendan has to wait another hour before he finds out about his job. Two of us without work is a little unnerving, to say the least, but God is good, and if this is what He wants, we follow without reserve.

Luke 22

35 And He said to them, “When I sent you without money bag, knapsack, and sandals, did you lack anything?”
So they said, “Nothing.”

Wife-and-Mother

2010-03-19T15:54:00.000-07:00

One can almost always tell when a woman is a mother within 10 minutes of meeting her in person, or immediately on opening her blog. But married mom or single mom isn't so apparent. There are pictures of the kids, their latest exploits repeated and expounded in great detail. But what about the husband? He's often no more than a face in the background, sidekick and support to the kids' starring roles.

Noticed this when a friend posted awesome pics of her fantastic Valentine's in with her hubby... and pics of her hubby in genreral... and husband with car... and husband with dog... and husband with kid. It was really novel and really cool and I realized that I want to be like that if we ever have kids. A wife-andmother. Not "MOTHER (who's still married)".

This Is The Day

2010-03-19T15:23:00.001-07:00

"This is the day that the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it."

For almost 8 weeks I've been sitting in this room, all day, every day, looking for work and trying to stay sane. Realized this could be the rest of my life, and therefore I should preserve it for all posterity. Also realized that it's very easy to forget all the good parts (sometimes sleeping in, experimental cooking, talking with friends on Skype) and the strokes of genius that come with being an official housewife.

Yes, according to the social security office, my occupation is housewife. So I should clean the room right after I post the thoughts of the last few days.

2008-01-23T21:51:00.000-08:00

What follows are mostly posts from my college days, and a few stragglers since coming to Hume. For current posts, please visit www.xanga.com/sneaux_girl.

2007-01-21T19:21:00.000-08:00

*Today I feel like Moses: " O Lord, please send someone else..." (Ex 4:13). Somedays it stuns me that he would say that, somedays I'm saying the same thing. The last two weeks, it's been my heart's cry.

So yeah, I'm fighting God lately. But this weekend has been good for getting one-on-one with God and asking Him what He's thinking and doing and asking Him to change my heart. Actually, I haven't gotten that far. But it's coming. Mostly I'm taking comfort in how God used other people who argued with Him and how he changed them. Downside, most of them never quite got it, or didn't get it until they were over 80. It's gonna be a long life.

That's also why I haven't been posting -- that and I've been too exausted to put together anything coherent. But now here are a few things that have been running through my head at various points this week.

*Today I feel like Cinderella. Except that there are no castles and no balls and no searching princes anywhere near this place. Bummer.

*Somehow I thought that when I got older, I'd be as grown up as everyone else would give me credit for being.

*Why is it that princes don't search anymore? It seems that most guys are passive, waiting for God to drop girls in front of them, then whining that they don't like what they see.

*And how is it that women have become unnecessary? We were created to be lifesavers -- that's what eber kenedzo means in every other case: it's talking about God as helper when He is desperately needed -- so why not let us do our job? The thing is, if you're not living a life where we're needed, why would we want to be with you? Useless. That defeats everything we were made to be and do. So pick a challenge just a little to big for you (other than us), then pick a sidekick. We come in handy sometimes. And sometimes we're just fun to look at -- that's another part of our purpose. :)

*I'm sick of substitutes and promises. I'm sick of knowing that You could do it, if You wanted to. I'm sick of your timing. I don't like it. I know You can do anything You want, anytime You want... so why don't you?!?

*Conversations with God, revisited:
God: I have heard the cry of my people, and you will be my answer.
Moses: Ummm... no? I mean, why me?
God: I promise to be with You and protect my people.
Moses: Oh, that makes me feel sooo much more secure. A talking bush says everything's going to be okay! Well, since they're all going to say I'm as crazy as I feel, who exactly should I blame this on?
God: I AM WHO I AM. And they know me. I'm their God. Yours too, if you missed that part, and none of y'all better be forgetting that.
Moses: What if they still think I'm crazy?
God: I'll give you these three miraculous signs. There's no way anyone else could do these! Ready? Now go!Moses: Oh. Well, bet you didn't know I stutter. Or maybe you do, 'cause I'm still stuttering... I can't do this.
God: I made your mouth. Go.
Moses: "O Lord, please send someone else to do it." (Exodus 4:13)

If I was God, I probably would have fried him right then and there. But I'm not God and it's a good thing because God was merciful beyond anyone's expectations and actually gave Moses help. He didn't just force him to obey, or pick someone else, but he said, I'm still sending someone else and I will give you your brother-in-law to speak for you.

The thing that really gets to me on this is that Aaron was already on his way. Even if Moses had agreed to everything right from the start, I wonder if God was planning to send Him help anyhow.

*Isaiah 43:22 You have not yet called upon me, O Jacob,
You have not yet wearied yourself for me, O Israel.

A little effort... I whine that I am tired and weary but maybe if I was wearying myself over the right things, chasing God, I would have my strength restored. Meanwhile, I find myself suprised that I'm getting tired trying to do everything by myself. So blind and foolish.

*Beloved of God. Weak. Fractured. A train wreck. Fallen. Redeemed. Unworthy. Chosen. Desired. Foolish. Not as smart as I assume I am. Carried. Created. Formed as the Image of God. Hopeless. Posessor of hope. Dreamer. Child of Jacob. Child of Israel. Chosen one. Precious and honored...

how is it that I have come to terms with all but the last two?

*God, Your hand. I do no see it anymore. I do not see it as my balance is lost in the rush of life. I remember when days took forever, when an hour was an eternity, when the countdown to Christmas may as well have been the fullness of a year. Now life comes faster than I can breathe, faster than my heart can beat. I cannot walk without missing some elemental piece of life. I cammot pause without feeling the word spin around me, and I am lost when I wake up.

*This is all in my head. I am so sick of this always being just in my head. I don't even know what my head thinks, just that I'd rather be someone else. I am officially jealous.

*I was sold as a slave to sin. I sinned because that was all I could do. Now, I don't have to, but I still choose to. It feels like I should still be a slave. Like I should be looked down on and ignored and treated like dirt. Like that's all I'm good for. And therefore everything else falls away. I've been given so much, but it feels like my affections are being bought.
Am I always this discontent?

*"I have summoned you by name." I am chosen by name. Not "Hey you," not a blank stare or "that one" but chosen, summoned. Asked? Told. Picked.

No one else wants me by choice. Why would I believe that You do?

*Why is my identity still in what I do rather than who You are?

2007-01-13T17:43:00.000-08:00

There is something infinitely precious about a friend who knows me well enough to look past the surface and tell me to stop being an idiot when I need it. Like today, for instance. And something precious about a friend who knows my weaknesses and calls me out on those when I'm getting caught up in the same old stuff.

So thank you, my friend.

And for anyone who doesn't have a friend willing to call you out on stuff or give you freedom to not be doing whatever it is you're getting caught up in unaware, get one. It's the most freeing thing to have someone emotionally detached from your drama tell you whatever you're freaking out about doesn't matter as much as you've convinced yourself it does. (at least for me, it is...)

2007-01-12T23:48:00.000-08:00

If a man could draw only butterflies, but he could draw them so perfectly that none could match him, would anyone fault him for not being able to draw dogs or horses?

Aaron stopped by the booth tonight and was teasing Mel and I for not having pictures on the walls like they do in the summer, and it got me looking through my old sketch books. How is it that I have lost something I loved so much? There was a time when I saw pictures in my head constantly, but I held them inside for so long that they have stopped appearing and I wonder if I can remember how to release them anymore...

At the same time, I was thinking about the statement above, something I wrote in one of my books a long time ago when I was pondering my horse obsession... And the thought that comes is this: if you're good at one thing, pursue it to be the best you possibly can -- pursue excellence in that area. But if you're good in a lot of areas, you're going to have to let go of some to pursue excellence in others... or remain 'good' at all of them.

I miss drawing, and I don't care if I'm ever any good at it... I draw for the love of art and the release of beauty entwined through my heart. But what am I pursuing for excellence?

2007-01-11T18:28:00.000-08:00

...because I've been attracted to you since we met. Because I can't be friends with you without wanting more. Because I can't pursue friendship with integrity. Because if I say we're just friends, it's a manipulation and lie... I want you and want to do whatever it takes to be close, but I haven't really let you go in my heart. Because you're the guy and if I tell you this, it will throw everything off... so I wait from a distance for you to make any move, knowing that I cannot settle for friends, but neither will I disrespect you by being the first to offer a friendship I cannot give. So I guard my heart and yours and wait.

(if you're wondering if we like you, ask us. or ask around. if we aren't all over you, it might not have anything to do with whether or not we like you, but how much we respect you as a man.)

For the record, if you're waiting for a girl to make the first move, or to give you some sort of "signal," and you expect it to happen, you're a wuss. if she's not interested, she'll tell you if you ask. and if she is interested and worth your time, she won't make a move till you do. if she's talking to you and not about other guys, it's a good sign.

-- end: Thought #1, brought you today by conversation with Paco and Peter and by the letter W --

Thought 2:

Contentment is a strange thing. Contentment: a choice, like love, may turn to love if fostered long enough, especially if fed with gratutude.. I was thinking of this as I moved out of my trailer today. I love my old trailer, little raggedy thing that it is. I love the windows and I love the storage and I love the color and the feel and even the deep settled smell. I love the space. I love the places, the corners and nooks and the wrought-iron light in the corner of the bedroom alcove. I would not leave my trailer if I had less need of my new one. And even that is not need of my own, but for others.

My new trailer... fancy, expensive... vaulted ceilings and a private washer and dryer. Tub AND shower... a closet larger than any I've ever had. A gas range and more square footage than most apartments. With a window view of the forest, and a covered wooden porch the length of the place. Everyone says I should love it and be excited and so grateful to get out of my little heap... But I love my old trailer and I am heartsick to leave it. Where most people would think I was crazy, I almost turned down the offer to move. If it wasn't for need not my own, I would not leave... would not leave the oldest trailer on the hill and one that many people would see torn down if given the option.

But I was content there -- God brought me contentment and gave me a love for that place such that my one consolation in leaving it is that Stephen, the guy moving in, already loves it. He is keeping the color and the ribbon around the cupboard curtain... and he is excited about the bed on cinderblocks and the giant pictures and the stupid little things that made it home. He is not complaining that it is small or old or any of the things people would see it destroyed for... and it makes me happy because I know he will not just live there. It will be his home, as it was mine.

-- end: Thought 2, this thought brough to you by the numbers 8 and 17 and by the spice, Nutmeg --

Living. Such a strange phenomenon. So often we walk through life in the moment.. and forget it all the moment after.

Today, as I stood by the lake, a fog came up. The temperature dropped and the snowclouds covered the ground. I stood, and closed my eyes as the white air surrounded me, the chill breezes twisting their way around my body and entrancing me with memories of the Lake in winter. Suddenly I was taken to a time when I stood on the shore of Lake Michigan, at Oak Street, and felt the fog roll in with it's winter's tang. I saw the whiteness come up and cover the city, and smelled the wetness in the air. Here too, I smelled the wetness and saw everything I knew disappear before my eyes till all I could sense was the smell and touch of the cloud... and I cried.

It's easy to walk through life with no attachments. We live in a culture where every experience is honed for the second of contact, the second of pleasure, then gone. We live where each experience is shoved behind us for the next new thing.

Don't do that. And don't only look for the prepared experience. The pre-fab, packaged and labeled experience. Live life. Stop, and experience fully where you are and what you are doing. hold it close so that, years from now, you will not look back on a blur of greed, hunger, need. Need for the next thing. Stop, and live. Fully. Not the surface, not a taste, a touch, a look, that have no memory or significance. Stop. And embrace life. Don't drive past it waving.

--end: Thought #3. just think about it. --

2007-01-07T16:14:00.000-08:00

I desire to be more and more like Christ. I desire to come into the image of God. But sometimes I wonder at the specifics of that goal... and God's workings to make me "just like" Him.

Thursday night I got 4 hours of sleep because I thought Friday was a slow day and I could go to bed early...

Friday I worked at 6, was offered my trailer at 9, accepted said trailer at 10, had an hour lunch meeting with Glenda (my mentor), got off at 3, spent half-an-hour getting furniture from Mike and Glenda's storage for the new trailer, picked up one of the teens at 3:30 and hung out till 5:30, ate dinner and ran errands till 6, called Tiffy while packing, and worked on the trailer till 10, staying up till 11 figuring out paperwork for the car. Then I went to bed...

and woke up at 6:30 Saturday morning to get everything and everyone pulled together for the Fresno trip, which we were on the road for by 8:30am... and got back at 9pm. Spent the next 7 hours moving into the trailer, crashing around 4am.

Woke up to my alarm at 10, and have been working on the trailer since, with a quick run to the dining hall, then to submit paperwork so the church can vote whether or not to comp a youth conference I'm attending in March and to talk to the parents of the kids I'm babysitting tonight. Did I mention that part? An hour from now till Wednesday afternoon I have 4 kids... and a full time job... and I'm moving. Did I mention that it snowed up here a few days ago and most everything is still iced over? And I haven't finished my Christmas cards!!!!

Psalms 121:3-4 He will not allow your foot to slip; He who keeps you will not slumber. Behold, He who keeps Israel will neither slumber nor sleep...

So far I haven't slipped, I have four little Israel's to keep watch over for the next few days and it doesn't look like I'l be getting much slumber or sleep.

I think I liked it better when being like Jesus meant not calling my sisters bad names. (PS: No, this post was not intended to be theologically accurate in all details)

2007-01-04T22:22:00.000-08:00

What if the world is messed up because we're supposed to be living in base7 rather than base 10? God loves the number 7. It is the number of perfection and holiness and completion. Who made up 10 anyhow?
On a very slightly more serious note, be careful what you do. People are always watching and you never quite know what they're thinking...
(From message to Josh after he left)
I was upstairs vacuuming while Megan worked on some organizing thing with food things (technical, I know) and one of the kitchen supervisers came up. He spoke, I assumed to Megan, "Your commisary boy's downstairs if you want to see him."
Imagine my surprise! I had no idea you and Megan were an item. Apparently neither did either of them because he was looking at me and Megan was ignoring both of us.
I found my jaw this morning. It was in the bakery. I'm not sure exactly how I responded, but I'm sure it was something really intelligent like, "me? wait, are you talking to me? Josh?!?"
Fighting the urge to laugh out loud right then and there, I finished vacuuming the last stair, then went to look for y'all... and just missed you. I yelled after y'all on the snow, but you were already near the lake and couldn't hear.
Anyhow, that was funny. :) So no more talking in public. Or hugging in the road. Or driving around the subdivision alone together (even if it's for a good cause like trying to rescue Kyle and Robbie).... or whatever the heck it was that made us an item. sorry about that. I'll try to be more careful about your reputation next time. :p
*******
O be careful little friends, what you do.. or say... or how affectionate you are in public. Side-hugs only!!! Or don't care and let people think what they think.

2007-01-01T20:27:00.000-08:00

What is it with people leaving other people in myspace 'friendship pending' for weeks on end with no explanation? Just because you don't want to link my page does not make us any less friends (I rarely have the playtime to comment people anyway, especially people I see all the time), and if you do... IT'S A MYSPACE FRIENDSHIP?!?!? Not exactly commitment at it's finest... So that's the first thought for today: take a stand. Add. Deny. It's myspace, not me. Never take friendship personal.

So, if you're wondering what I'm thinking or if I said something awkward... ask me. Maybe that doesn't work for everyone. Almost definitely not most females. But if you don't think I'm being exasperatingly pointblank straight with you at all times, we've probably never talked. Ah, for the days of 'brutally honest and blunt.' Just because I'm nicer than I used to be and occasionally remember to close my mouth doesn't mean I'm playing around or won't give a straight answer.

Ephesians 4:25
Therefore, putting away falsehood, let every one speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another.

Second thought for today: I love football, even when my team loses... even when they lose big. Go Michigan!

Third thought for today: I'm doing pretty well on my birthday resolution -- I think I've only missed those few nights around Christmas when internet access was at issue and the one two nights ago because I fell asleep -- so I will not make any more resolutions save to be in the Word every morning before work and pay everything on time. Oh, and get Christmas cards out before Christmas. (They're almost all sent... really...)

Fourth thought: God provides in crazy ways. I took my girls out to coffee and as we were playing a game, the subject of lying came up -- specifically, what constitutes lying (acting?) and are there ever circumstances in which it is okay to lie? As I was looking for the reference for the verse above, the first link took me to this page: http://www.desiringgod.org/ResourceLibrary/Sermons/ByDate/1986/560_Speak_Truth_with_Your_Neighbor/ -- an entire John Piper sermon on truth addressing exactly the topic I told the girls we'd talk about tomorrow night. What a wonderful God.

2006-12-29T12:38:00.000-08:00

When passion and need exceed pride and fear, you'll do it.

2006-12-28T15:32:00.000-08:00

"To live is ________, to die is ________." I snagged this from a John MacArthur devo... Truth for the Day?... from yesterday, but it's been on my mind ever since. Unless Christ is in the first blank, death is not gain.

Success, happiness, wealth, a good family, "ministry", a good reputation, good character, impressing people... all come to the same end with death. Even if you believe in reincarnation, once you die, you have to start all over with the next life or you fall back down the path to a lesser being. Only in Christ is death permanent and unquestionable, irrevokable gain.

2006-12-27T18:29:00.000-08:00

I went to SoCal for Christmas and didn't have much internet access -- but I had a lot of fun! Here are thoughts from the last few days...

Friday, Dec 22: Watched "Pursuit of Happyness." Do not like it. The thought is good, but the morals are sketchy and full of double-standards. Basic premise of the movie -- do whatever it takes to acheive happiness. All values wrapped around how they affec the main character. If it's good for him, it's acceptable. If he can't seem to make it work, then apparently that's just too bad for everyone else.

Saturday, Dec 23: Romance... everyone has their own idea of what comprises a romantic moment or gesture. For me, it's simple. The most romantic thing a guy could do would be to take my hand... and forget to let go. Not overtly possessive, really... just a want/need to keep the touch. for instance, a guy who would meet me and shake my hand, then get distracted as someone calls and he turns... but still has my hand. Just enough to say, "you're what I'm noticing and caring about, even in the midst of this." so stupid and simple, but that's what it usually all about, at least where this girl is concerned. Oh, and i like holding oposite hands, not the side to side thing... the hands just don't fit right that way, which i think is why i like the idea of shaking hands and it not falling. but not one of those creepy won't let go things -- just... not taking back your hand. that's all. (Yes, Sarah and I were watching chick flicks all day :)

Sunday, December 24: I love families who adopt everyone in. Someday, I hope I have a family like that. And I love little mountain towns. but I miss my sister. I feel much like Joseph and Mary, staying in a place that is not my own... but I have heat and food and the people here want me.

Monday, December 25: Ethiopia and Somolia are officially at war -- air strikes are in progress. Mel and I are driving most of the day. Slowly California becomes my home. I like the desert and the mountains and I love driving for miles in the middle of nowhere. Still, I wish I could give people a place to come home to, instead of the other way around. Once again, it is more desirous to give than to receive. How does that get switched around? when we're kids, all we want is to get. As adults, we want to have... so we can feel generous and powerful should we choose to give. It's messed up.

Tuesday, December 26: I am tired. And I love talking to my Grandma and aunts and uncles. I love my family. "Be as interested in your family /loved ones as in the stranger you've just met." I need to work on that.

Wednesday, December 27: Nice guys rarely finish last. They're usually somewhere in the middle because they never take the risks that would put them out of the race. On the other hand, they then also rarely take risks that could put them in front -- they advance only by the falling back of others -- so perhaps they aren't really in the race at all, only travelling the path that others are running. They are ever the same; steady and stable, safe, predictable. I think I prefer fire. I prefer passion and a little recklessness. I prefer the possibility of greatness to the promise of adequacy. I know what I'm getting with nice... it's always been there and it will grow just like the picture on the package says, and you can buy them cut, a dime a dozen, at any corner store. Wildflowers can rarely be contained and they change the landscape of life.

2006-12-21T22:11:00.000-08:00

Malachi 3: 8-10
8 “ Will a man rob God? Yet you have robbed Me! But you say, ‘ In what way have we robbed You?’ In tithes and offerings.

9 You are cursed with a curse, for you have robbed Me, even this whole nation.

10 Bring all the tithes into the storehouse, that there may be food in My house,
And try Me now in this,” says the LORD of hosts, " If I will not open for you the windows of heaven and pour out for you such blessing that there will not be room enough to receive it.

-------------
This is a bit of a carry-over from yesterday, and it'll show up in my Christmas card, but this is amazing to me and soooo true in my life.

God gives us life and all the stuff therein, but He calls on us to give some back. To trust Him to provide enough, and then more. A friend pointed out that this is the only place in the Bible where God tells us to test Him.

Tithing. It's not just about money though. It's about life. Whatever's most important to us. And we have to be ready and willing to accept His provision.

My friend started laughing when I read this verse and pointed out that there is furniture sitting on my lawn because I don't have room for it indoors. I love to share my life, and God has opened the windows of heaven. It is my heart to minister to the girls here, and lately God keeps bringing more and more into my life -- more than I know what to do with! And some that I didn't know even knew who I was have a desire to start relationship because of the way God is working in the lives of other girls through my friendship with them. How crazy amazing is that?!? Too much -- I definitely feel overwhelmed at times, but even in that God is showing Himself faithful through the most unlikely sources. It seems the more I try to give things away, the more God gives me to give away. I think that's the way it's supposed to work...

On the flip side, as my very wise friend also pointed out, you have two choices; give your tithe to God, or don't and it will be taken from you anyhow. If you keep reading past the verses above, God says that He will protect the crops and offerings that people desire to give over to him, and protect the abundance He will give. However, that blessing is null if the tithe is not offered. What moneys you give in tithe, God will protect for you. What moneys you would hoard will often also end up taken, be it in repair bills or some other form of unexpected cost. Same with life, what you don't use will be taken. time. money. posessions. people. what do you value, and do you offer it back to God so He can bless you with abundance?

2006-12-20T21:56:00.000-08:00

Trust me
God has been drilling me with the same truth over and over -- TRUST ME! and tonight, when I was planning to post up all the amazing stuff he's been showing, my xanga site won't work. Coincidence? I think not.

For the rest of you, here are the scriptures that have some -- from many different sources -- over the last 5 days:

*It is good for me that I have been afflicted, that I may learn your statutes.

*Though He was a Son, yet He learned obedience by the things He suffered. * We suffer with Him, that we may also be glorified together, For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.

*He knows the way that I take; when He has tested me, I shall come forth as gold. My foot has held fast to His steps; I have kept His way and not turned aside.

*You shall remember that the Lord your God led you all the way these forty years in the wilderness, to humble you and test you, to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep the commandments or not. You should know in your heart that as a man chastens his son, so the LORD your God chastens you. Therefore you shall keep the commands of the LORD your God, to walk in His ways and to fear Him.

(Daily Light, Dec 5 morning: Ps. 119:71, Heb 5:8, Rom 8:17-18, Job 23:10-11, Deut 8:2, 5-6; Dec 5 evening: II Cor 12:9-10)

"...For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord. "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the Lord, " and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places I have banished you," declares the Lord, "and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile." -- Jeremiah 29:11-14

The lot is cast into the lap, but the whole disposing thereof is of the Lord. -- Proverbs 16:33

If the disposal of the lot is the Lord's whose is the arrangement of our whole life? If the simple casting of a lot is guided by Him, how much more te events of our entire life -- especially when we are told by our blessed Savior: "The very hairs of your head are all numbered: not a sparrow falleth to the ground without your Father."... (Charles Spurgeon morning meditation, December 19, 2006)

Even if darkness light dawns for the righteous and upright. (song from Norm Daniels based on Psalm 112:4)

*If the Lord would make windows in heaven, could this thing be?
*Have faith in God. * Without faith it is impossible to please God. * With God, all things are possible.
*Is my hand shortened at all that it cannot redeem? Or have no power to deliver?
*" For my thoughts are not your thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways my ways," says the LORD. "For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts." * "Try me now in this," says the LORD of hosts, "if I will not open for you the windows of heaven and pour out for you such blessing that there will not be room enough to receive it."
*Behold, the LORD's hand is not shortened, that it cannot save; nor His ear heavy, that it cannot hear. * LORD, it is nothing for you to help, whether with many or with those who have no power.
*We whould not trust in ourselves but in God who raises the dead.

(Daily Light, Dec 20 evening: 2 Kings 7:2, Mark 11:22, Heb 11:6, Matt 19:26, Isa 50:8-9, Mal 3:10, Isa 59:1, 2 Chron 14:11, 2 Cor 1:9)

2006-12-19T19:37:00.000-08:00

some people, when they're sad, want to be around other people. other people make them happy, and help them get through the hard times. some people, when they're sad, hide... and avoid everyone. that would be me. it's not that i don't like people, it's just that my moods, when they're strong, tend to rub off on other people which leaves me three options: be around other people and get happy. be around other people and make them sad. or be alone and hurt for awhile, then come back with a new appreciation for happiness and a deeper understanding of joy... becuase it's real and brought forth from the fire.

i have this amazing post for tomorrow about God's faithfulness -- when things aren't so raw -- but that needs to wait. and i need to leave.

point is, pain isn't bad and it's okay to hurt for awhile. but remember that joy comes in the morning.

2006-12-18T22:23:00.000-08:00

they say home is where the heart is... my home is moving to Colorado at 5:30 tomorrow morning.

2006-12-16T23:16:00.000-08:00

Two thoughts:

"Slums may well be the breeding grounds of crime, but middle class suburbs are incubators of apathy and delerium." (i can't remember the author)

----

"It's like a fairy tale. He saves your life. You dance under the stars. You kiss..."
"...Almost kiss."

Sounds like a dream. Turns into a nightmare. Turns out the guy is engaged. And, when confronted, instead of owning up to his mistakes, offers the following excuse:

"Maybe, I was just being a guy and the oportunity presented itself... Maybe I never thought I'd see you again... Maybe nothing happened."

Yeah. Maybe. And maybe next time it'll be you he's cheating on instead of her... but, if you're lucky, nothing will happen again and this time he really won't see her again. Hey, it could happen.

flee temptation. don't skip around a bunch of maybes. and fess up when you mess up.

2006-12-15T23:58:00.000-08:00

"...For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord. "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the Lord, " and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places I have banished you," declares the Lord, "and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile." -- Jeremiah 29:11-14

Do you ever have one of those days when God starts telling you something first-thing and it just keeps coming? Floyd, my boss and friend, has a little daily devotional and after we laughed over the devo for his birthday (today) being about going to work for God, we flipped to my birthday which was all about God taking us into hard and wilderness places to gain intimacy and character. It went on to talk about how God disciplines those He loves and how we should rejoice in suffering and trials because they strengthen our faith.

A little over an hour later, Luke read the passage above for staff devos... It seems God aways gives him words I need to hear. It's one of my favorite passages, but also one of the hardest for me to hold in my heart. He hit everything I love about it: the fact that God has a plan for us, but it's bigger than we are and intended for our good... which may not always be our perception of good... and that God's time and our time are two totally different things. David was annointed king but did not take the throne for 16 years. How hard was that? Most of all, God desires intimacy with us and He will take away whatever we need Him to take for as long as we need it taken. (That last one was mine, but the rest was in my heart and out of Luke's mouth.)

Anyhow, that was the theme of the day. From my other blog name "Moriah Wanderer" and the story of Abraham to little things about my life here, God has been pouring it on all day long. "Trust me. I know the plans I have for you... and I will bring you back from exile in my time when you seek me with all your heart."

2006-12-14T23:06:00.000-08:00

I find it interesting that entertainment news comes on at 6pm, but sincere world news -- news in which the US plays only a minor role, if any -- is relegated to the late night cable networks. In yesterday's world news:

Somalia and Ethiopia are on the brink of war. There is a strong possibility of a war against Saudi Arabia, with the royal family under particular threat. Iran held a conference for Holocaust deniers, which was attended by David Duke, former politician and presidential candidate. Chinese prisons function as a major source of international organ donation, often without the prisoners' consent, and often from executions over minor crimes such as tax evasion. There is also evidence that the prisoners are not always dead when the harvesting begins, so as to keep the organs as "fresh" as possible.

We watch movies like "The Island" and spend countless hours wondering about the day-to-day lives of the stars, but when the fiction becomes reality, what is our response?

"What can I do about that? There's nothing I can do..."

1) Start praying.
2) These are real people dying. Real people being cut open alive. Do SOMETHING. And don't just make more people 'aware' of it and say you've done your part.

Here are a few organizations working directly with international justice:

International Justice Mission: www.ijm.org
Human Rights Watch: www.hrw.org
Amnesty International: www.amnesty.org

I don't necessarily agree with everything they do or all their policies, but I respect the fact that they're out there.

2006-12-13T22:28:00.000-08:00

I was reminded tonight by a friend that we live in the midst of a spiritual realm, unseen, but ever-active. Charlie X and I have a history that goes way back and it was 10 years ago last week that God gave us a glimpse at life beyond the physical...

Either of us could expound (he tells it better), but the very short version is that he went into the hospital for "routine" surgery, nasty complications arose, and he almost died. Meanwhile, several hundred miles away, while he was -- to the best of my knowledge -- resting in recovery, I spent a trembling and sleepless night pleading for his life, completely confused but incapable of any other action. In the early hours of the morning I finally fell into a peace, sleeping on and off as the strange need to pray would wake me on occasion, then desist.

It wasn't til later that day that I learned of the complications after surgery, and weeks later as my friend and I talked that we began to see the greater scope of the hand of God. I told him I'd prayed for him but hadn't known why at the time, and he asked "when?" As we began to compare events and timelines, my prayers and the attacks on his physical body coincided exactly. More than that, at the time when I was most deeply compelled to pray and sat shaking and sobbing on my bed, confused and unable to utter anything but, "God, please don't let him die. Please protect him... please don't let him die," my friend saw beings in his room, dark and light, fighting over him. (dang it, Airdog, now I'm tearing up too!!!)

It doesn't fit in our cozy American Christianity. It can't be contained in a building or taught in a 3-step sermon from the pulpit. It can't usually be seen -- and it's terrifying when it can. I would venture to saw that no one would want to witness what my friend saw that night, and I will never forget the times when prayer has come for reasons I am not to know in the moment. There is a certainly and a dreadful awareness of the trembling uncertaintly of life in this realm. But, by that knowledge, life in the next becomes all the more precious, and life in this an amazing thing of wonder.

2006-12-10T21:48:00.000-08:00

Is it red?

"Is it red?"

Such a simple question but one I struggled to answer. My friend is losing both his sight and hearing, and will likely be blind by summer. His hearing is moderate at this point -- his hearing aids help him carry on normal conversation -- but that too is fading. When I stopped to talk to him the other day, he noticed that my hair was darker, but had difficulty identifying the color. I knew in my heart that it was his sight, but passed it off to poor lighting, shadows from the window, anything to avoid the truth. In a matter of months he will not see color at all. He will not see anything.

The strange thing is, I do not pity him. I walked away crying, it's true. And I cry thinking of the many things he will never experience -- gazing at his wife on his wedding day, the first look at his newborn child, that child's laughter and sobs, and all the amazing things inbetween. I pray that God would choose to take this disease from him. But mostly I envy him.

I envy his intimacy with God. I envy his surrender -- frail and fractured though it may be. I envy his ability to turn off his hearing aid and close himself off from the world. I envy his hunger for the Word while he can still access it easily. I envy his passionate prayer and carelessness for the opinions of the world. I desire his chosen freedom from peer presure to act or behave a certain way. I envy his forced vulnerability to other people -- becoming more dependant by need, but also by choice. I envy his moment-to-moment lifestyle and his discipline to make the most of every day he's given. I envy distraction being taken from his life and his growing one-ness with God. But mostly I pray that both of us will be made strong in the broken places... him to accept with grace this transformation and stripping of externals, me to walk with grace in the midst of them.

2006-12-09T17:48:00.000-08:00

i'll pray for you

Latest pet peeve with myself: I say "I'll pray for you" and walk away... hang up the phone... close the email. "I'll pray for you" at some indeterminate point in the future.

Why don't I pray immediately? Change "I'll pray for you," to "May I pray with you?"

It's hard. It's more personal. And it means I actually pray.

2006-12-08T16:30:00.000-08:00

Hmmm... The comments made yesterday transition well into my ponderance for today. I was reading davycrockett2665's blog of December 2 which, paraphrased, asserts that we live in an awareness culture. Many people seek to make others "aware" of issues confronting the world, but few are willing and motivated enough to do anything to address those issues directly.

One of Sam Harris's complaints against Christians is that we, as a collective, seem completely complacent about the potential end of civilization as we know it. We take an apparently fatalistic approach to the world as a whole, pointing over and over to prophecies about wars and starvation and end times, and looking on with near glee -- to all outer appearances -- as we take humanity's pain and point it toward the return of Christ and the judgment of all mankind. He has a point. Most Christians take very little active interest in such issues as the potential for nuclear war, global warning, international politics and policy, and give little more than lip service to such crises as the AIDs epidemic in Africa, the population rise in Asia, and world-wide food and water shortages. And, should the general populace attempt to engage your average "Christian" in a dialog about any of these issues and bring up concern about the longevity of the world, said Christian will likely take that as opportunity to spout something about the coming appocalypse and the return of Christ and the inevitable end of the world. With all due respect, if I wasn't a Christian, a God who was going to willfully destroy the earth wouldn't be a God I'd have any particular desire to know better.

So, we anticipate the end of the earth and stand by with excitement as everything falls apart. Or do we?

That's the thought for the day. As a Christian, what is my focus? Is it the very real return of Christ and the impending judgment of mankind? Or is it the now -- with an awareness of the future? Sometimes I think we get it mixed up.

If we pay attention to people in the now, the future will come as it will and we will have accomplished as much as possible in the interim. Whereas if we spend our time focused on saving people from a future eternal judgment, we may miss the 21 children a minute who face their eternal destiny as a result of starvation. Six million children under 5 every year. What if we could help them live long enough to receive the gospel? Nuclear instability, global warming... potential signs of the end times, but every day Christ waits is one more day that an unbeliever has to recognize the truth.

I want Christ to return, and soon. But not at the cost of millions upon millions of souls. Christ tarries, not willing that any should be lost. God wants to give as many people as much of a chance to turn to Him as possible. And I would venture to say that most, if not all Christians would say the same. So why don't we act like it? Why don't we get out there and do things that matter to help this world and the people in it continue as long as possible? God waited to come back long enough to give us a chance. And he gave us a life where we're in position to sit aound talking or to help others... because we're not starving, part of the sex trade, speech controlled by the govenment, or unable to provide even the most basic necessities to our family. We have the Bible in our language -- over 700 translations, actually. We are able to read. We can listen to whatever we want on our iPods, find whatever we want on our wireless... at home at work, in restaurants and coffee shops. We can read about the starving of the world. We can see pictures of the war zones and study the potential and actual effects of global warming trends and of our human impact on the climate. We can do all this in our sweats while watching football on a Saturday and sipping a latte. Or maybe we don't like lattes so we go to choose one of the hundreds of varieties of food and drinks available. Maybe one where we can vote for our favorite flavour. Nice that we have it so good.

So why are we so calloused to the rest of the world and future generations? We are an awareness generation. An awareness culture. What will it take to make us active rather than appathetic?

2006-12-07T19:04:00.000-08:00

Hey ladies!! This blog is being restarted especially for you... and for Joanna and Chad, who also have blogger. Mostly I'm just going to copy what I'm posting on my other sites, since I'm now posting one little thing each day rather than a different post on each page. I might also put up announcements... we'll see. Yeah, I probably will...

But I haven't figured out today's post so I'm signing off.

2005-05-16T14:56:00.000-07:00

Find me on MySpace and be my friend!

2005-05-14T23:24:00.000-07:00

Whoops! For those wondering where I went, try my xanga site. sorry I forgot to note the change!

2005-04-19T13:54:00.000-07:00

Changes

Over the last 6 weeks there have been many changes. We had staff retreat on the beach, a friend committed suicide, I was moved into a trailer of my own which I just finished repainting, my little sister is coming out here to live and work, and OE has started again and is now in week 2 -- which am allowed to help teach.

It has been a struggle, honestly, these last few weeks. My relationship with God is finally coming back to where I missed it being, and in the sanctuary of my home I find time and peace to seek Him like I could not do before. Through this and many long nights of struggle, I have realized that I cannot stay on here as full-time this fall. I may stay here, if so it will be as seasonal staff year round. But I cannot stay as support services any longer. My time for staying in the back is done, the time to step out again and take on the grace of leadership is come. And I will learn.

I still do not know what will happen with the youth group. The more I pray the less peace I have about taking on the guys, but I fully believe that I can oversee the girls' ministry, even as part-time/full-time. This comes in the grace and strength of God, and his passion in me, but I am excited.

In the meantime, I need strenth for now and strength for the summer. My hunger is to be with the teens, but my physical body cannot handle two full-time passions together. Pray that I have wisdom and find balance. I am not yet released from my commitment, therefore must I seek to give my best to that which has my word and allegiance through the summer.

2005-02-12T13:53:00.000-08:00

profound

i want to write something profound. something that others will read and find great depths of insight. a sentence about the meaning of life or other such capture of essence.

but this is all i have. this little spot of words and thought and simplicity. i usually can't even spell or use proper grammar.

o impatience! if the great minds can take 10 years to write a poem (Rilke -- Duino Elegies) I can learn to take 10 minutes to think of something worth writing, and writing well.

2005-02-08T06:48:00.000-08:00

wealth beyond compare

I have to laugh at the fact that everytime I whine about guys, God brings someone into my life just enough to prove the point that I am single by His choice and if He wanted me with a guy, I would be. Therefore I whine, WHY NOT??????? On the other hand, there is a lot I can do while single -- like spending my winters in Mexico and never staying in one place longer than a year or two.

Had breakfast with Yvonne again. In a selfish sort of way I'm glad that Jen keeps sleeping in 'cause then I get Yvonne all to myself. Not sure if I'm as much a benefit to her though... maybe remembering the folly of her youth will make her thankful for the grace God has shown in bringing her beyond that... :-p (speaking of which, read Ragamuffin Gospel -- excellent book)

Revelling in the fact that I live in a place with two pools, a an ice skating rink, a snowboarding hill, a tube run, a semi-private lake, a high ropes course, boulders enough to keep anyone climbing for years, and national park quality mountains. For all practical purposes I live better than most millionares! Did I mention the miles of almost deserted highway for biking and running, the campgrounds less than 20 minutes hike, and the fact that I can get a tall Starbucks coffee drink of my choice for $1 on Wednesday nights? Less than $3 every night? Who lives like this?!?!?!

I do :)

2005-02-04T13:54:00.000-08:00

Mexico

Talked to John and now I have even less idea than before about where I'm supposed to be. A new option sits before me now. Work here for the Outdoor Ed and summer seasons, then go to Mexico for the winters. I'm not sure how practical it would be financially, but if God wants me there, it will happen. What might make it work is saving up and buying a small camper. I could use that for housing and save a large amount of money both at Hume and wherever I go in Mexico.

Junior High camp is in this weekend. I love it. So busy, but amazing to see how God works. Last week we were praying specifically for 5 kids as requested by church counselors, and one of them came to know the Lord, along with about 80 other decisions for Christ. Tonight the rest of the campers get in, and tomorrow night John will be presenting the gospel. Please pray with us that nothing will interfere to distract the students from what God is doing in their hearts and lives.

2005-02-03T12:26:00.000-08:00

Without End

I found my keys to the staff lounge so now I can write again. :) So far I have no final decision on the Nevada ministry. My friends are going to check out the land this weekend. I'm really not sure where God wants me and more opportunities keep coming up.

The youth group here at Hume will be without a leader come the end of August.

A group is going starting to meet Tuesday mornings to pray for Hume staff.

God is breaking the hearts of the women at Hume to reach out to each other and the incoming staff, and they are starting new outreaches in several different areas.

Jenna is on staff with program designing a new conference specifically targetting high school girls. It's a weekend conference in October, with the first one happening this fall. I don't know what sort of help Jenna's going to need, but it would be awesome to take part in something like that.

John Alvarado is here speaking this weekend and I'm still looking at getting into Mexico. At this point I'm not sure if God brought me to Hume on the way to Mexico, or if God gave me a heart for Mexico to get me to Hume.

Along that same note, I mentioned my thoughts about Mexico to Yvonne and she told me about a Family Camp trip to Mexico coming up in the end of May that I might be able to take part in. I left a message with her husband to get more info, so we'll see where that leads.

Two weekends ago God put me in the right place at the right time to babysit for the Simpsons and now it looks like I'm going to be able to do that regularly. So cool!! I get along well with the kids and my approach is much the same as Eric and Julie which is a blessing when I have to make judgment calls.

Let's see -- what else? Oh, I am still teaching school and through various avenues I'm gaining opportunities to spend individual time with most of the girls. So far it's mostly building a rapport, but I want to start taking it deeper. Not all the time -- there is a level where simply loving the person is enough -- but if God is part of my life, that needs to flow out and be obvious. and how else are the girls going to know how God lives through a life, not just in church, if they're seeing dicotomy. Granted, they're seeing life in pretty much everyone around here, but I'm only responsible for me.

So, those are some of the things coming up. :)

2005-01-29T12:43:00.000-08:00

Nevada?

A lot of happenings this week. Last Sunday God set me in the right place and right time to be able to babysit for one of the families here last minute. Their babysitter came down with the flu about 5 hours before the parents were scheduled to leave for El Salvador. Thankfully, because of my night schedule, I was able to stay overnight and get the kids off to school to give the grandmother time to drive up the next day.

About two days ago I was offered the possibility of going in with 4 friends to buy land in Nevada and start a small seasonal camp there. I am not certain if this is God's direction, but I definitely covet your prayers and wisdom. The others involved will be traveling to view the land next weekend, and if it is still available, we will probably purchase it... assuming I have a clear okay from God at that point. Right now I am waiting and praying. Their plan is well thought out and the cost is reasonable. Even if things don't pan out, we can resell the land in smaller parcels (we're looking to purchase a 160 acre lot near Battle Mountain) to the ranchers there. It's considered good grazing land, and the 80 acre lots off the same large land package sold quickly.

Also, please pray as I will be going setting up an appointment to talk with our executive director in two weeks about some concerns I have regarding this camp. My hope is that this will be a mututally beneficial conversation, with my having an open heart to learn and understand the reasons behind some of the choices that are being made here, and also that the concerns I raise may bring about a more Christ-like reflection within the camp. Man that sound stuffy. But I want to be sure I approach with meekness and facts and right motive. If I go in to whine, it serves no one.

2005-01-25T19:48:00.000-08:00

Clarification

After reciving very wise counsel from friends reading this blog, I should clarify that my moving request no longer has anything to do with my roommate. In fact, she is a huge part of my hesitation now. When we worked within 20 feet of each other 8 hours a day, then had to come home to the same room, that was a stretch.

However, now that I'm night crew, if I move and get another roommate anyway, or I move and they put someone in with her... that is what defeats the purpose of my moving. Lack of space all over again... this time with a new person who then has to adjust to the fact that there are two people with all their stuff living in one 8'x8' room. At this point Joy and I are not quite appathetic, but definitely rather resigned and passive about it. I love having a roommate. I would love to share the trailer alone with Joy (or with Deanna -- either one of them). And I am excited about the thought of living with Sarah. The only problem is space, more specifically lack thereof.

I don't know if that clarifies the situation or offers reasurance, but my roommates are the one good thing (well, that and the fact that our trailer, as far as trailers go, is awesome. Beautifully designed for two people...) about this whole situation. If there was a way to stay with them in a larger place, I would gladly do so. Even if Joy and I had a bigger room, I would share a room with her. Or if we had a living room to put our books and other shelved items. That would work too. But right now we don't have that and it's making life rather tight. And that's the reason for my housing request.

2005-01-25T08:47:00.000-08:00

to stay or not to stay

Lately, a ton of people are asking me what how long I'm staying and what my plans are. Frankly, I don't know. Options at this time: stay for a second year as full-time in support services. Stay for a second year as part-time/full-time working Outdoor Ed and Wildwood and wherever else I can find a job. Stay as full-time then go to part-time/full-time in another year. Leave.

I don't know what the future holds. I will stay through the end of my commitment, but beyond that I do not know.

There are many factors to consider, and the most recent is that of housing. I'm still waiting to be moved, but so far the options are weak. There are two places that they are considering, one of which is an older trailer and one of which is a trailer identical to mine, but with only one other person instead of two. I'd take either, except that if they put a third person back into the second trailer it would see like rather a waste of time, effort and paperwork to be right back in the same situation. So pray that this comes to a wise resolution, and that I have tact as I address it with the people in charge of housing.

2005-01-25T07:49:00.000-08:00

"brutally honest and blunt"

When Nathanael described me to myself a few mornings ago, I started laughing because it's absolutely true. Tact is not my strong point. And one of my biggest frustrations is when people don't say what they mean.

On the other hand, it's also frustrating when someone is cranky and abrasive. Truth tempered with love. That's a mix that needs to take place. It's one that I'm still learning and one that I see modeled here in all ranges of the spectrum. And as I listen, I realize that it is possible to be both truthful and discreet. The challenge is to do it.

Secondarily, I'm having a blast helping with the schools here. One Wednesday I help with the 1st graders and Fridays I grade papers in the 3rd-5th classroom. I love the kids and being around them, but I also realize that I would NOT make a good teacher. Maybe for junior high, or even 5th grade, but not lower than that. And I don't think I'd do well in a normal size classroom. My heart and skills lie in personal interaction. The one-on-one time. I'm still thinking about being a tutor or maybe even a nanny after I leave here, but that's up in the air. Or maybe teaching Bible. Or teaching in a place where my kids can talk. That's the hard part -- trying to teach when everyone has to be quiet. My classroom will be very talkative... With some limits, like raising your hand, but the best learning comes with discussion.

2005-01-09T08:51:00.000-08:00

Back to Romans

I was able to go up to Joshua for morning session on Thursday and pulled out a few commentaries to keep looking at Romans 12. Here are the notes from that time:

"The exhortations to live a holy life in conformity to to the exaulted position of the saint in Christ Jesus is to be obeyed in view of these mercies. This, in view of the fact that we are justified persons, righteous in our standing before God, we are under obligation to live a righteous life." -- Wuest (emphasis mine)

NO! I can't gather that from this verse, or the rest of Paul's style. If we were under obligation, he would say so. THe fact that he urges rather than commands strongly implies thta this is a desired, right, and natural response rather than a mandatory forced response.

"Therefore" -- very critically noted in all the commentaries, but I can't find it in the Greek. Is it implied? That doesn't make sense though...

"His choice of this word 'urge' is discriminating seeing that its force lies between commanding and beseeching. It posesses something of the element of authority that is more forcefully expressed by 'command,' and has in it something of the element of appeal that attaches to 'beseech.'" -- Harrison

Oun -- THEREFORE!!!!

There is a 'therefore'! That's what I must have missed the first time through.

"(The discussion in Romans 12.1-2) sets forth the fundamental obligation one must meet before he is prepared to face the challenges of living as a believer in this world. Only an intelligent commitment of life in the light of God's gift of salvation will suffice." -- Harrison

"(Romans 12) is not an appendix, a last-minute 'add-on' relatively unrelated to the real -- theological -- heart of the letter. For, as we have seen, Romans, while thoroughly theological and carefully argued, is not a doctrinal treatise. It is Paul's grandest exposition of the gospel. The gospel unleashes God's power so that people, by embracing it, can be rescued from the disastrous effects of sin, being pronounced 'righteous' in God's sight and having a secure hope for salvation from wrath in the last day." -- Moo

"Transition from Romans 11 to Romans 12 -- whish mirrors similar transitions in Ephesians (4.1) and I Thessalonians (4.1) -- is not, therefore, a transition from 'theology' to 'practice,' but from a focus more on the 'indicative' side of the gospel to the 'imperative' side of the gospel." -- Moo

Ephesians 4.1 "I, therefore, prisoner of the Lord, urge you to walk worthy of the calling with which you were called..."

I Thes 4.1 "Finally then, brethren, we urge you and exort in the Lord Jesus that you should abound more and more just as you received from us how you ought to walk and please God."

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Okay -- that's what I found on Thursday. I should offer some notes however, after all the talk about being a choice rather than an obligation, that upcoming in the verse, the phrase to "present your bodies a living sacrifice" is reflective of the oofering brought before the priests... and that connotation was definitely not one of choice... in a sense. If you desire a right relationship with God, you make choices and offer sacrifices accordingly -- and your heart attitude matters, as in the case of Cain and Able. Your offering of your body is not an obligation, but if you are sincere in your heart desire to seek God, your life will reflect that as you choose that which is pleasing to God.

hmmm.... that's very poorly worded on my part, but I can't create better phrasing without going into more technical detail. Next time...